


'til kingdom come

by Zarigueya



Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Light Angst, M/M, Mentions of PTSD, Minor Character Death, Unrequited Love, alternative universe, pinning, slowburn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-15
Updated: 2018-09-03
Packaged: 2019-06-27 17:17:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 20,680
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15689868
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zarigueya/pseuds/Zarigueya
Summary: After retiring from the army, Gabriel Reyes tries readjusting to life out of the military while struggling with PTSD, resigning to a monotone life overshadowed by nightmares. Until he meets a priest and a friendship blooms between them, drawing more than he would ever expect.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [petitecreame](https://archiveofourown.org/users/petitecreame/gifts), [whiteshadeofpale](https://archiveofourown.org/users/whiteshadeofpale/gifts).



> Finally time to post my story for the R76 Big Bang (it's complete, a total of 4 chapters!)
> 
> Check out my wonderful artists' work: [Creme's art](https://petitecreme.tumblr.com/post/177016474612/gabriel-scratches-the-back-of-his-head-looking) and [Shade's](https://white-shade-of-pale.tumblr.com/post/177037064935/heres-the-super-last-minute-drawing-i-did-for-the). (thanks for working with me!)

Gabriel wakes up screaming.

 

He’s lying on the mattress covered in a thin layer of sweat, hands clenching the cream-colored sheets. Through dampened eyes he catches the blinking light of the digital clock on his nightstand. It’s bright red, like the eyes of the monsters that hunt him in his nightmares.

 

No, _no_ , monsters aren’t real.

 

Gabriel throws an arm over his eyes, takes a sharp breath and sighs loudly. _Deep breaths_ . Angela’s sweet voice comes to him over his heartbeat hammering on his ears, her soft blue eyes looking at him under long eyelashes. He tries to regulate his breathing, as he was told in the past. _Inhale, count 5 heartbeats; hold breath, count 7 heartbeats; exhale, count 9 heartbeats._

 

The faster he recovers, the faster he can begin to live.

 

 

 

* * *

 

Gabriel’s day officially starts at 7:00 a.m., eyes flying open before the alarm even goes off. Despite the lack of sleep he always manages to get up on time to do absolutely nothing in particular. He has always been a man of strict schedules, from even before the military. _Old habits die hard_. Ana had said once. Gabriel leaves the bed moments after of waking up, no yawning, no sluggish movements; his mind is already working at  high capacity. He then takes a cold shower, —not minding the forty-eight degrees outside—barely ducking his head under the spray of water, grabs a towel and strides towards the small kitchen to make his breakfast. He puts some water on to boil for a a cup of coffee, throws bread in the toaster and, as he cracks a few eggs to make an omelette, the sound of a squishy plastic toy comes to him followed by light, uncoordinated steps. He moves the pan over the fire, smiling, and looks over his shoulder to see a black labrador entering the kitchen. “Good morning, Reaper.”

 

The dog wags his tail at the greeting, seeming younger in his excitement. Reaper paws at Gabriel’s bare feet while he is in the kitchen, almost tripping him. “Don’t get near when I’m cooking, you dummy!” he warns exasperatedly, shaking his head. “I already left food on your bowl, go finish it.” It takes a moment for the old dog to follow his orders. _Only you would get an old service dog._  Ana had pointed several times. _As if you were in any condition to take care of another creature when you already need to be taken care of._

 

“What little faith you have in me.” Gabriel growls, transferring his sunny-side up eggs to a plate, taking a seat at a table set for one.

 

* * *

 

The neighborhood is nice. He had decided to settle for something quiet, away from the busy streets of the downtown of LA. It’s been several months since he moved back, slowly getting used to this new lifestyle. He quickly rearranged his habits around his new schedule: breakfast early, then exercise for half an hour —his leg doesn’t hurt as much thanks to rehab, but the doctor insists he stick to lifting instead of running— before heading to work. The school is close to home and he  enjoys teaching more than he expected; it probably has to do with him being used to giving orders.

 

His therapy group meets every afternoon and he usually hangs out with Jesse and Ana after they are done to grab something to eat, play poker, or shoot pool. Sometimes Jesse leaves early after he finds some random company willing to get in his pants,or Ana excuses herself after getting a call from home — _a mother has priorities, gentlemen._ Gabriel is the only one who stays late, not having a single reason to rush home. He knows what’s waiting for him:small apartment, the same pale walls, an old but loving dog, and he’s more interested in what the outer world has to offer. However, he’s beginning to think there isn’t too much in said world for him.

 

The nightmares don’t stop either.

 

Pharmacotherapy helps, of course, and it’s the main reason he is currently able to keep a job. Angela said he would progressively leave it but he refuses to depend on it. Gabriel copes with his anxiety in his own ways, or tries to, --some of them being healthier than the others. Even now it’s hard for him to quit the smoking he adopted from Jesse,—- but he does drink significantly less than he had the first weeks after he came back home. Ana had helped with that, always nagging him about the consequences of alcohol poisoning. When Gabriel seemed to not take her seriously she had invaded his apartment and taken away every single bottle inside —and he had several.

 

“A mother is a mother…” he tells Reaper, scratching behind his ears.

 

His habit of getting up early even on weekends leaves him with a lot of time to kill, so he decides to take the dog out for a morning walk. As they past by the Starbucks on the corner of the street the smell of black coffee makes him hum, the corner of his lips curving up. He might get a coffee on his way back after taking Reaper to the park. After a row of buildings he stops in front of bookstore, looking through the glass for any title that might call his attention. Reaper pulls at his leash and he groans. “Wait, silly dog, I’m not done looking.” Reaper pulls harder and Gabriel is about to give up looking when the sound of glass cracking startles him.

 

His pulse jumps and he twists around, looking for the source of the noise as his trembling hand pats his pocket, looking for a familiar weight. He shakingly realizes he has no gun and that the sound came from a waitress who dropped a glass at the restaurant across the street.

 

Reaper takes advantage of this momentary distraction and pulls again, the leash slipping from Gabriel’s still-shaking hands. “Hey!” Gabriel reacts too late and watches the labrador sprint down the street. “You little—!” he curses, accidently bumping into a woman carrying a bag of groceries that get knocked to the floor. “Sorry!” he weakly apologizes and dodges a couple of more people down the street as he tries to catch his dog.

 

“How do you run so fast?!” he winces, leg hurting, forcing him to slow his pace until he stops, resting his hands on his knees. “Damn.”

 

He looks up and notices a man walking a few meters away from Reaper, holding a paper bag with the logo of a well known bakery shop. His mind quickly puts two and two together. “Please, no, no, no—”

 

The blonde stops, looking over his shoulder and meeting Gabriel’s eyes right before he is knocked off his feet by a very dumb, very old dog. The bag flies through the air and lands on the asphalt, a mess of colorful cupcakes splattered on the floor.

 

Gabriel pales and rushes over to the stranger. “I’m really, _really_ , sorry.” he kneels next to the blonde, nervously settling a hand over his shoulder, not sure if he should touch him or not. “Are you okay?”

 

The first thing Gabriel hears from him is his laugh. The guy sputters, blinks his eyes, and shakes his head as if he couldn’t believe what just happened. The stranger rubs the back of his neck, cracking his eyes open to look at Gabriel with the deepest, brightest blue eyes he has ever seen.

 

“That hurt.”

 

* * *

 

“What is this?”

 

“ _Pan dulce_.” Gabriel mouths before sipping on his second coffee of the day.

 

Blue eyes fix him to his seat as pearly white teeth sink into the crunchy surface of the bread as the man hums, rapt by the sweet flavor. “Delicious.”

 

In the first unexpected twist after several months of living a monotone life, Gabriel finds himself in a small bakery shop —pet-friendly, of course— having breakfast with a stranger. After apologizing several times he had asked the man to allow him to treat him something to eat. Initially, he had refused, saying he didn’t mind, but Gabriel insisted so much he ended up accepting after introducing himself.

 

The man’s name was Jack, he was twenty-eight years old just like Gabriel, and hailed from a small town in Indiana.

 

“I’ve never been in this place before.” Jack looked around, taking in the variety of Mexican pastries in the display case, the aroma of freshly baked goods bringing a smile to his face. He looks pleased with Gabriel’s choice: a small business known for its delicious pastries, desserts, cakes, and coffee. The walls were colored with soft pastel colours and the waitresses dressed in colorful uniforms. “I usually go to the same bakery every day.”

 

“It’s hard to quit the routine.” Gabriel agrees, his finger tracing the rim of his cup of coffee. He lifts his eyes and catches Jack bringing his fingers to his mouth to get rid of the traces of sugar glass, probably staring for too long at the way his lips wrap around his fingertips. Gabriel shifts his eyes away when Jack looks back at him, internally begging for him not to notice what he was doing. Reaper huffs where he’s curled at his feet after eating until his heart’s content. “The reason I come here is because they allow dogs,” he adds.

 

“Reaper, right?” Jack wraps his fingers around his cup and takes a sip, licking his lips. Gabriel can’t help to wonder what kind of grown man takes his coffee with milk. “Cool name for a dog.”

 

“He’s pretty dumb dog, though.” Gabriel bows his head, embarrassed, “As you could see.”

 

“I don’t mind, really. I’ve been knocked down by bigger animals.” Jack fixes the blue scarf around his neck that matches the color of his eyes. Gabriel wonders if he does it on purpose, like a token to call people’s attention. “Grew up on a farm.”

 

“Really?” Gabriel chuckles and sits back, arms folded across his chest. “What kind of animals?”

 

Jack looks around as if he needed to make sure no one is hearing range and leans over the table. He’s close enough for Gabriel to notice he has freckles dotting his nose and cheek. Then he wrinkles his nose and mouths: “ _A cow_.”

 

He pulls away with dimpled smile on his lips that makes Gabriel’s stomach flip and his face feel very, very hot.

 

Gabriel blames his coffee.

 

“That’s lame.” he mumbles, the edges of his lips curving up when he hears Jack’s answering  laugh. It’s a nice laugh; very clean, sincere.

 

Jack glances at the time on his watch and chokes on his drink. “Oh, I’m late already!” he jolts from his seat, flipping the scarf over his shoulder.

 

“Late?” Gabriel wrinkles his nose, looking away. There is a question that has been swirling around his head and struggled with the urge to bring it into the conversation. But he has always been a good strategist, smart enough to let it slip smoothly. He looks at Jack again, smiles, and asks: “Got a girlfriend waiting for you?”

 

The question doesn’t seem to shake Jack, who simply shrugs, the edges of his lips curving up. Hope bubbles in his core when Jack speaks again:

 

“I don’t have a girlfriend.”

 

* * *

 

“I moved back into LA over a year ago.” Gabriel pulls the leash when Reaper takes too long to sniff the air. “How long have you been living here?”

 

“A little over three months.” Jack answers, going through his phone while they walk, then looking at Gabriel. “I’m kind of new in the neighborhood.”

 

“I actually grew up here but left for work overseas when I was eighteen.” Gabriel wraps the leash around his wrist to make Reaper walk faster, not wanting Jack to leave because they were too slow, not wanting him to find out this wasn’t his usual route to walk. He barely can recognize the name of the streets anymore. “I can show you around...” he casually drops as Jack texts through his phone, hoping he catches a hint and gives his number. “If you want, of course.”

 

Jack lifts his gaze, flashing a smile, “I would love to.” he stops and shoves the phone in his pocket. “Finally arrived.”

 

 

 

Gabriel stops just after Jack does, Reaper pulling on the leash and making him stumble. He blinks, looks at Jack and then back at the building. The architecture is characteristic enough for him to realize where they, even before he notices the cross at the top of the structure.

 

“You wanted to come to the church?”

 

“Yeah, do you want come in?” Jack offers, unwrapping the scarf around his neck.

 

“Eh, I—”  Eyes darting away, Gabriel scratches the back of his head, looking for the right words not to offend Jack. His mother was a devout catholic and he had been dragged into chapels his whole childhood. “I’ll pass. To be honest, I practice no reli—” he starts, words dying on his mouth when he notices the tab collar around Jack’s neck once he takes off the blue scarf.

 

A tab collar.

 

A _clergy_ collar.

 

The words _‘I don’t have a girlfriend’_ come back to him, less reassuring than the first time he heard them.

 

“I understand.” Jack smiles softly, taking off his coat and folding it. “And I respect that. You can come by to say hi anyway, if you still want to hang out.”

 

Awestruck, Gabriel completely misses the chance to ask for his number and watches Jack enter the church. He suddenly remembers a comment Jack made about his name.

 

_‘Gabriel, huh? I like that name.’_

 

Of course he liked it.

 

* * *

 

“How are you feeling?”

 

Gabriel taps his fingers on the armrest, head thrown back. He does listen to Angela’s voice but it takes a moment for him to answer.

 

“Fine.”

 

“Have you been able to sleep?”

 

“No.”

 

“Have you been taking your medication?”

 

“Sometimes I forget.”

 

“Gabriel.” Her voice turns warning and Gabriel looks down at her, catching her eyes over the rim of her glasses. “Would you mind elaborating an answer instead of giving monosyllables?” she asks. “I’ll remind you know I’m charging you whether you speak or not.”

 

Gabriel gives a sigh of helpless irritation, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Sorry, Angie, I’m just not in the mood today.”

 

“I already told you, it’s not about being in the ‘mood’, it’s important for you to follow your treatment and take your medication. Even if you feel like you don’t need it.” Angela takes off her glasses and hangs them folded on the neckline of her blouse. “Did something happen?”

 

He looks over at the figure on the doctor’s desk, a small angel paperweight with wings and a halo over its tiny head. Angela was very devoted to her patients, being one of the best therapists in LA; once in a while she received small presents, from desk accessories to floral arrangements. Gabriel suspected half of those presents came with other intentions.

 

“I met someone yesterday.”

 

The doctor blinks once before her eyes light up, the edges of her lips curving “...you did?” Angela brings her hands together, leans forward, visibly interested in what Gabriel casually told her. “Would you tell me more about it?”

 

Jack’s smile comes to him, the tone of his voice, his eyes when he told him his name.

 

_I like that name._

 

“Uhm... my dog knocked him down, it was embarrassing. I took him to breakfast and we talked, he was interesting. Like, a genuinely interesting person. Later I found out he was… eh… kind of taken.” Gabriel elaborates, his voice barely audible, the words bitter on his tongue. “I didn’t find out until we parted ways so, I—” he bites his lip, flushing, realizing he is talking too much.  

 

Angela leans back in her seat, cocking her head, hands folded over her lap. “I see. That’s what has you down then.”

 

Gabriel chuckles with bitter humor, dragging his hands over his face. “Now that I talk about it it’s not a big deal.”

 

“You have a lack of motivation to engage in social interaction and a preference for solitary activities, we both know that. And this is the first time you’ve brought someone new into a conversation.” Angela shrugs, putting her glasses back on. “I think it is a big deal.”

 

Gabriel shifts heavily in his seat and reaches for the desk, taking the paperweight in his hand. It’s heavier than it looks. He traces the crystal wings, the body painted in white, a smile pulling at his lips.

 

“You might be right.”

 

* * *

 

Beneath the clink of cutlery and chatter among the tables, Gabriel detects the characteristic sound of a lighter. He lifts his eyes from the chessboard they’ve settled over the table as they waited for their orders, meeting the mischievous face of his friend Jesse McCree, who holds a cigarette between his lips.

 

“What are you doing?”

 

Jesse shoves the lighter back in the pocket of his ripped jeans, lifting his chin to blow a plume of white smoke, and looks back at Gabriel, brow furrowed. “Grabbing a smoke?”

 

At his 21 years old, barely over the legal age for drinking, Jesse Mccree sticks out in the group. He’s a student at the community college who works part time at a club. He was initially dragged into the support group after leaving the reformatory. Gabriel has to admit the kid went through a lot: from foster homes to almost dropping school due meeting the wrong people. Once in the group he met Gabriel and they became close despite the endless bickering between them.

 

“Didn’t we have this talk in the group yesterday?” Gabriel gripes, moving a black pawn on the board. “You need to find other ways to cope with your shit.” That earns him a heavy glance from Ana.

 

“Aw, come on.” Jesse chews on his cig and sits back in the small chair, arms crossed. “I don’t even drink that often anymore. Give me a break, old man.”

“An old man that dresses way better than you,” Gabriel wrinkles his nose. “Your shirt is ugly.”

 

“Son of a gun.”

 

“Language.” Ana warns, taking a look at the chessboard before making her move, taking significantly less time than Gabriel, which draws a sincere laugh from Jesse.

 

Ana was around thirty, a devoted mother who got hooked on gambling a couple of years ago, which ended up damaging her marriage to the breaking point. Unlike Jesse and Gabriel, she looked for help by herself, knowing the high risk of losing her daughter if a court found her unable to raise her properly. Eventually things worked out for her, a reason for Gabriel and Jesse to look up to her.

 

“Why you insist on humiliatin’ yourself, Gabe? Y’know you can’t defeat Ana.”

 

“I will never know if I don’t try.” he mutters, scratching his chin. He waits for Ana to make her move and releases a tired groan when she corners his king. “Goddammit.”

 

“Language.” Ana repeats, this time louder, looking over her shoulder to check on her daughter. “Fareeha could hear you.”

 

“Got no one to take care of the little lady?” Jesse asks, drumming his fingers on the table as he eyes the little girl talking with one of the pretty waitress, probably asking when her pie was coming.

 

“Her father is out of town and I couldn’t reach the sitter.” Ana finally takes the black king, gently settling her bishop in its previous spot. “Checkmate.”

 

“You know what? I give up.” Gabriel raises his hands, showing his palms. “We stick to poker from now on.”

 

The waitress cuts off Ana’s complaining when she brings the food: cheeseburger and crinkle-cut fries for Jesse, a big stir-fried steak with vegetables for Gabriel, and two slices of blueberry pie for Ana and her daughter.  

 

“You will get fat if you keep eating like that.” Ana warns the youngest of the group of three before beckoning her daughter, who rushes to the table. “And get rid of that cigarette, smoke isn’t good for children.”

 

“That’s exactly why you shouldn’t smoke, you will ruin that pretty face of yours.” Gabriel smirks, wiggling his eyebrows.

 

Jesse groans, shoving a handful of fries in his mouth before kicking Gabriel on the knee under the table, who kicks back. Ana sighs and makes room for her daughter to sit, asking if she washed her hands after playing around. Fareeha shows her palms, kicking her feet in the air where they dangle from the edge of the chair. Her mother seems pleased and hands a fork to the girl, who takes the first bite, humming in pleasure.

 

“Delicious!”

 

Gabriel remember’s Jack expression when he first tried _pan dulce_ , his mouth moving, fingers covered in sugar glass. He looked like a man with a sweet tooth, which perfectly matched his personality.

 

“I wonder if he would like pie…”

 

“Uhm _?_ ” Jesse blinks, looking at Gabriel, arching his eyebrows, “Who?”

 

Too late Gabriel realizes he was speaking aloud. He clears his throat, grabs a fork and shoves a piece of steak in his mouth. “No one.”

 

He hadn’t told Ana or Jesse about his encounter with the pastor, and for the time being decides it’s for the best.

 

It’s not like he is planning to see him again.

 

* * *

 

Gabriel wonders if he looks _that_ suspicious when an old lady throws him a glance before she enters the church.

 

He digs his nose into the scarf around his neck and fumes.  

 

“Must be wondering why someone would stand outside the church like a creep.” he mumbles, looking up at the building.

 

Gabriel recalls the old church his mother took him to when he was a child: the gothic structures that resembled old castles where monsters lived, the scary looking statues in altars, pictures of sacred figures bathed in candle light, nuns in black habits that wandered around like ghosts, the mind-numbing smell of incense...A very creepy picture of his childhood.

 

Standing in front of Jack’s church, Gabriel realizes his fears were irrational. This place is less intimidating and he almost can appreciate the beauty of the construction. He peeks inside and spots people praying at the nave. He wonders if it’s okay for him to enter. Wouldn’t it be disrespectful to enter if it isn’t to pray? Could Jack talk to him if he was working? As a matter of fact, he wasn’t sure if Jack worked that day. Did priests get a shift?  Or did Jack spend all his time in there?

 

“Maybe it would be better to look around and find an office..” He muses, just about to turn around and check when he spots an older woman coming out the confessional, followed by a familiar face. The woman holds her hands over her chest, mouthing a ‘thank you’, which Jack reciprocates with a gentle smile and a pat on her shoulder. He walks her to the door, finding Gabriel uncomfortably standing on the steps outside.

 

Like a kindergartener who got lost and just got found, Gabriel raises a hand  in a wave and mouths a low “hey”.

 

* * *

 

“Are you sure I’m not bothering you?”

 

“Not right now. I have a meeting with the support group in an hour, then a marriage preparation course, and I give the last mass of the day. Now I’m organizing a bake sale for the neighbors. A lot of calls to make but I always have time to talk with a friend.” Jack settles a plate of cookies on the desk, next to a cup of black coffee.

 

“Wow.” Gabriel accepts the cup Jack offers. It isn’t as bitter as he usually takes it but he doesn’t complain. “Got a tight schedule, huh?”

 

Jack sits across from him at his desk. “Just as much as any other person, I suppose.”

 

They are in the office where, apparently, Jack spends a lot of time doing a surprising amount of administrative work. He seems pleasantly surprised with Gabriel’s visit, though.

 

“I thought I wouldn’t see you again,” Jack confesses, grabbing one of the cookies. “You looked pretty shaken that day.”

 

“I was just surprised.” Gabriel shrugs, watching the steam coming out from his cup. “And I didn’t know if you found it appealing talking with someone who doesn’t—” He makes a vague motion with his hand, “—you know. Go to church… at all.”

 

Jack chuckles at that. “Didn’t I tell you? You can come by and say hi anytime. You don’t have to listen to my sermon for us to be friends.”

 

Gabriel narrows his eyes “I don’t?”

 

“No!” Jack laughs louder, “You don’t. I liked your company and I would appreciate if you  could show me around town. I mean, I’ve spent so much time in the church and know only a few places to go to have fun. I haven’t been around for too long.”

 

“I could take you to the zoo, or aquarium, maybe we even can watch a game if you like baseball, and the county fair starts in September!” Gabriel lists with his fingers, visibly excited. “We can also go to the beach in the summer, if you enjoy swimming.”

 

“That all sounds terrific.” Jack pulls a face at the mention of summer. “I also like swimming, though I get an ugly tan.” He pinches at his shirt in emphasis.

 

“Nah, I bet you are exaggerating.” Gabriel waves him off.

 

“How can you tell?”

“You aren’t ugly at all.” Gabriel says, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world, regretting it almost immediately when Jack stares at him long and hard.

 

Jack bursts out in more laughter, holding his stomach.

 

“Thank you.” Jack thumbs away a tear from the corner of his eye. “You aren’t ugly either.”

 

Before leaving, Gabriel finally remembers to ask for his number and Jack does the same. They exchange numbers and before the pastor puts away his phone, Gabriel notices he saved his number under “Gabe”. It doesn’t take over a week for Jack to start calling him that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter two coming next week. Thanks for reading! 
> 
> Kudos and comments are very much appreciated!


	2. Chapter 2

Along with spring break comes the rising temperatures and crisp, blue-sky days, people leaving behind the heavy, warm clothing to embrace a more fresh style. Youngsters heading to the beach, families enjoying outdoor spaces, everyone getting together to have a picnic while kids run and play under the sunshine. 

 

Jesse wishes he was outside despite the heat. He was thankful for the air conditioner, but it was such a shame to waste a perfect day to enjoy outdoor activities. On top of that, the empty chair next to him is beginning to freak him out.

 

_ “Where the heck are you, Gab—” _

 

The sound of the door startles him and he looks over his shoulder, finding the owner of said missing seat there. Panting heavily, shirt sticking to his chest from sweat, Gabriel’s voice is barely audible when he goes to apologize. 

 

“Sorry.”

 

The small group eyes newcomer and quickly go back to their talks as Gabriel enters and drops himself in the chair next to Jesse, who hasn’t stopped looking at him.

 

“Ain’t you a bit late? What happened?” he asks, keeping his voice low to avoid interrupting the group conversation for a second time. He is used to getting reprimanded, being the youngest member and the loudest one, but he refuses to put Gabriel in a bad spot.   

 

“Yeah—  _ uh _ — it’s nothing.” Gabriel mutters, refusing to look him in the eyes. “I just lost track of time.”

 

Gabriel sit backs in the chair, accepting a napkin Ana offers; it doesn’t take long for him to fall into the group’s usual talk. Jesse takes longer to concentrate, side eyeing his friend. The other man’s phone buzzes and Gabriel rushes to check it. 

 

Jesse already suspected something was off. It isn’t that Gabriel arrived late to a meeting when he is obsessed with punctuality, or the fact that he has been rejecting his invitations on weekends as if he had something else to do, and not even when he checks the time like a  student who couldn’t wait for recess; it was the smile on his face when he looks at the screen after he reads the message.

 

_ Too happy for a grumpy old man. _

 

He is determined to get to the bottom of the situation after the meeting, planning to invite his friends over, taking advantage of his roommate not being around. However, Jesse never gets the chance since Gabriel quickly gets up from his seat once the meeting is over, excusing himself, saying he has plans for the night. 

 

“Again?” 

 

“Let’s hang out tomorrow, okay?” Gabriel pats Jesse’s back, turning to Ana, “We can take Fareeha to the zoo, it’s been a while since I saw her.”

 

“That’s fine by me, have a good night, Gabriel.” Ana smiles softly, waving him goodbye as Gabriel strides down the street, leaving as quickly as he arrived. Once he rounds the left corner at the end of the street Ana squints her eyes, mumbling: “Something is off.”

 

“Right? I knew I couldn’t be the only one who noticed.” Jesse huffs, rubbing his nape and stretching his neck. His body hurts after sitting in the same position for so long. “Leavin’ early again, as if he—” 

 

“Well, it’s his life, he doesn’t have to tell us everything.” Ana cuts in, clasping her hands together. She knows Jesse too well, enough to tell what’s going on on his head. “Anyway, want me to take you home?”

 

“Nah, it’s fine…” Jesse flashes a smile, wiggling his eyebrows “’m gonna take a walk, might find somethin’ interestin’ to do on this lovely night.”

 

Ana sighs, pinching the bridge of her nose. “Be careful, okay?”

 

Jesse blows her a kiss before following Gabriel down the street. “I always am!”

 

* * *

Gabriel can’t completely grasp the concept of homily; he didn’t as a child, didn’t as a teenager, and is definitely far away from connecting with anyone inside that church as an adult; but when he listens to Jack he can’t help but to feel at peace. 

Jack appeals to nonverbal gestures, moving his hands a lot when he speaks. His voice is soothing, as tender as the message he tries to deliver; it echoes on the walls and fills the room like the moonlight coming through the stained glass. An ethereal image bathed in candle light that draws a sigh from his lips. 

 

To be quite honest, he isn’t really listening the sermon, he just came to see Jack. Gabriel always stays in the very back, near the entry, sitting nonchalantly with his legs spread and arms folded, eyes fixed on the blond pastor. He feels like a kid who snuck into the kitchen to grab something sweet while his mother isn’t looking. 

 

At the beginning they just met during the weekends, but Gabriel came up with any excuse possible to see him more often. Since Jack’s last mass started at seven and finished at eight --around the time Gabriel left the support group-- he had found a perfect excuse to drop by. Definitely more credible than “I was just walking my dog.” 

 

“A sinner in the church...”

 

The voice startles him more than the hand on his shoulder. Gabriel pales, looking over his shoulder to meet Jesse’s cunning eyes. 

 

“What the—?” Gabriel hisses as he gets up, grabbing fistfuls of Jesse’s plaid shirt, “What are you doing here?”

 

His sudden reaction doesn’t startle his friend, who just pulls a face, arching an eyebrow. “I could ask the same,” he whispers “I never thought you were the religious type.”

 

Gabriel looks around, making sure no one has noticed them. He makes the mistake of looking at Jack, their eyes meeting. Jack makes a subtle gesture at him, the edges of his lips curving up in a sincere smile. Gabriel lifts a shy hand in response; the sound of a laugh makes him look back at Jesse, who sports a lopsided grin and a mischievous sparkle in his eyes. 

 

He knew Jesse far too well, enough to tell he isn’t thinking something good.

 

“What?” 

 

People have started leaving the church, throwing suspicious glances at them when they pass by the odd pair. Gabriel doesn’t pay them any mind until he hears Jack’s voice, this time closer.

 

“You didn’t tell me you were coming.” 

 

_ Shit.  _ Gabriel collects himself, rubbing his sweaty palms on his trousers, his full attention back on Jack. “Yeah, well, I finished earlier.”

 

“Early?” Jesse asks, scratching his chin, looking up, “If by early you mean runnin’ to the door the moment the meetin’ finish-”

 

Gabriel wraps an arm around Jesse’s neck, trapping him into a choking hug. “Very funny, Jesse.”

 

“And you came with a friend.” Jack smiles, offering a hand. “Nice to meet you, I’m Jack.”

 

Jesse shakes the hand offered to him, the edges of his lips twitching. “The pleasure is mine...” he pauses, smile stretching. “ _ Father _ .”

 

The handshake lasts longer than Gabriel would like and when Jesse finally lets go, Jack’s phone buzzes. He excuses himself and turns around, walking away to have some privacy. A low whistle comes from Jesse, who rests his forearms on the back of the pew in front of him, openly ogling at the father.

 

“He’s got a nice ass.” Jesse concludes, side eyeing his friend. 

 

Gabriel fumes, heavy glare fixed on Jesse. “Get the hell out of here.”

 

“Why? I have a right to be here.” Jesse stands large and proud, lifting his chin, hands on his hips. “I’ll have you know I was baptized.”

 

“That’s not what I’m talking about!” Gabriel spits, pinching the man’s cheeks. “Stop being nosy and go home.” 

 

“ _ Ouch _ .” Jesse rubs his face, eyes stinging “I ain’t ruining your game.”

 

Gabriel releases an exasperated sigh. “First of all, Jack is a father.” a heavy palm is settle on his shoulder. “Second, he is friend. One I like a lot and I don’t want to scare him away with the kind of stories you got. That’s all.” 

 

“I see.” He scowls “Don’t want that pretty thing to hear about those crazy nights on bars or hookin’ up with all those hotties whose name you don’t even remember?”

 

“Yes.” Gabriel grumbles, half lidded eyes looking down at the friend who knew him probably too much for his own god “That’s exactly what I don’t want him to know.”

 

Jesse takes a sharp breath, closing his eyes. “Does he even know you got ptsd?”

 

“I just met him.” Gabriel insists, fisting his hands “I haven’t tell him a lot of stuff yet and I’m not planning on doing it in the meantime. He has to deal with a lot of shit already because of his job, I’m afraid he might find my friendship as a burden.”

 

If his words didn’t reach Jesse at the beginning, the last part apparently struck through him. Jesse clicks his tongue, shifts his weight from one foot to another, looks down at his feet. His whole bad guy act crumbling to pieces. 

 

“Weren’t you the one tellin’ me to not call myself a burden?” he asks, and he sounds  _ hurt _ .

 

Jesse didn’t have a family to look after him or someone who cared at all, except for Gabriel and Ana; being with them, sharing with them, that made a difference. They knocked some sense into him, helped him to get back on his feet. Jesse realized he had a place in the world and he needed to keep moving forward despite the circumstances. He went from considering himself a burden to being able to look at himself in the mirror and actually liking what he saw. 

 

Of course listening to Gabriel speak like that would hurt him.

 

“It’s a figure of speech.” Gabriel corrects himself, ruffling the brown locks of hair. “Can I ask you to leave us alone for tonight? I’ll tell you about how we met tomorrow, it’s a very funny story. You can make fun of me later.”

 

Jesse pushes the hand touching him away, more embarrassed than annoyed. Gabriel knew how much he hated to be treated as a child. 

 

“Y’better do it, old man.” 

 

* * *

The bake sale is a success, or that’s what Gabriel believes when he arrives and finds a bunch of people walking around the colorful stalls arranged outside the church; children and their parents, couples that happen to walk around the street and are attracted by the smell of the pastries and curious neighbours that recognize a familiar face in one of the stalls and approach.

 

“Too busy, Mr. popular?” Gabriel sneers, tapping Jack’s shoulder.

 

The father snorts, turns to him, wrinkles his nose. “Don’t call me like that.” he asks, playfully shoving a fist on his sides.

 

“Ouch! I didn’t take you for someone violent!” Gabriel fakes a painful expression, rubbing where Jack touched him. He looks at the table and then eyes Jack, asking for permission to try something, which the father allows. Gabriel picks one of last two fudgy brownies. “I wish I came earlier, I probably miss a lot of tasty stuff.”

 

Jack watches Gabriel eat the brownie on a sit, eagerly, visible curious by his reaction. “Thought you didn't like sweets...” 

 

Gabriel chokes on air, coughing loudly, motioning a bottle of water to gulp past the lump on his throat. Jack handles him the water.

 

“I still wanted to try your baking.” Gabriel mumbles, cleaning his sticky fingers on his shirt. “You really made these?”

 

“Yeah... I made brownies, sprinkle cookie and lemon cupcakes filled with raspberries. I wish I could do more but the idea is to encourage the rest of the members of the church to participate. At the end, the objective is to raise money for the next spiritual retreat.” he crosses his arms, scowling at the table “Aren’t these a bit dry? It’s my first time making brownies. They don’t look as wet as the ones I see on bakeries.”

 

“No, what are you talking about? They are perfect.” Gabriel mumbles, rubbing his lips with the back of his hand. “I wanted to try the cupcakes as well, I should have asked you to save one for me.”

 

“I’m sorry but the politic here is: first come first served. Even if you asked I couldn’t do that.” Jack laughs at Gabriel pained expression. He lifts one of the silver covers and pulls out a cupcake. “I’m joking, I saved one.”

 

“You are the best, honestly.” Gabriel hums, holding the cupcake and taking a look at the soft texture. He opens his mouths, with the whole intention to sink his teeth into, but a very familiar, very sweet voice freezes him on his spot.

 

“I thought you didn’t like sweets, Gabe!”

 

Gabriel cracks open an eye, looking down, finding a couple of big curious eyes looking up at him.

 

“Fareeha?”

 

“Hi!” The girl waves a hand, jumping on her place, visible excited to see a familiar face while she is surrounded by a group of strangers. She is wearing a girl scout uniform, with a cute blue scarf around her neck. It’s the first time Gabriel actually sees her wearing that uniform.

 

“What are you doing here, kiddo?” Gabriel asks, bending over the table to listen to the girl over the loud voices of the people around.

 

“My team is selling cookies!” she points out “Our stand is on the other corner.”

 

“Really? Well, I’m definitely going to check on you, guys.” Gabriel promises, trying to get a look of the stand, meeting Ana’s gaze. “Oh. Hi, Ana—” The woman pulls from his ear, making Gabriel curse under his breath. “Hey!”

 

“You completely passed by us! Where are your manners?”

 

“My bad, I completely distracted him.” Jack intervenes, reaching Ana to squeeze her hand. “It’s nice to see you, how are the sales going over your stand?”

 

“Pretty well, you know people love girl scouts’ cookies.” She points the group of girls smiling, gathering people around, all of them dressed up on cute uniforms. “Thank you for allowing us to do our sell here, the girls seriously appreciate it.”

 

“You know our church support the scouts, no need to thank me.” he waves her off, offering a smile to Fareeha. “It’s a very healthy activity for children these days.”

 

“We are donating part of the sales to the church, as promised.”

 

Jack shakes his hands “You don’t have to, Ana.”

 

“No, we are definitely doing it.” Ana crosses her arms “You saved the day by offering us a stand. I really didn’t want the girls to walk around with this weather.” she fans herself “The day is particularly hot today.” She smiles, then looks at Gabriel. “Back to you, I had no idea you knew Jack.”

 

Gabriel, who has been in silence since their eyes meet, makes a weird sound, very close to a laugh. “Yeah... we are friends.”

 

“I see.” Ana nods, then thumbs her stand. “Would you come with me for a second? I need a couple of strong arms to help me get more boxes.”

 

“Ah, now?”

 

“Yes,  _ now _ .” Ana repeats, grabbing his arm and pulling him away from the stand. “See you around, Jack.”

 

“Sure.” Jack blinks, looking at Fareeha, who appears to be as confused as him.

 

* * *

“You know? For a moment I was afraid there weren’t any boxes and you just wanted to chide me for whatever reason you had.” Gabriel confesses, holding a couple of boxes full of scout cookies from Ana’s van.

 

“Who said I wasn’t planning to chide you?” she asks, settling a third box over the two gabriel was holding. “What are you doing, Reyes?”

 

“Right now? Helping you with some boxes.”

 

Ana rolls her eyes. “No, I mean, what are you doing  _ here _ .”

 

Gabriel breaks a sweat when Ana menaces with putting a fourth box. “I don’t think I should carry more than three.”

 

“Answer my question.” 

 

“I came to see Jack.” Gabriel explains plainly “That’s obvious, you saw me talking to him.”

 

“I see.” she embraces the fourth box, squinting her eyes “When Jesse said you started to go to the church I didn’t think he meant this one.”

 

Gabriel rolls his eyes, walking with the boxes towards Ana’s stand. “That guy can’t keep his mouth shut.”

 

“What? It was a secret?” Ana settles the box over the table “Are you doing something that should be kept on secret?”

 

Gabriel drops the boxes on the table, making it tremble under their weight. It startle the girls, who look at each other before Ana asks them to go away for a moment. “What are you implying, Ana?” 

 

“Listen, I like Jack.” she starts “I’m not catholic and yet he has been so supportive with the girls and the community in general. He has been here for not too long and is already loved by everyone. He is a very sweet man who devotes his life to this church.” she points a finger on Gabriel’s chest “I won’t allow you coming here and messing up his life.”

 

“I wouldn’t do that! Come on!” Gabriel groans, pinching the bridge of his nose “You know me, Ana, how can you say that?”

 

Ana pushes her long hair behind her back. “I’m really sorry but I clearly remember the booty calls, Gabriel.”

 

“That was like, a year ago!” Gabriel hides his face on his hands, face burning “Before I even started going to therapy with Angela.” he laughs, rubbing a hand over his face “Jesse and I stopped doing that and you know it, we haven’t even go to that bar for months.” 

 

Just as Gabriel exerted a positive influence on Jesse, the young one exerted a negative one on him. At the beginning, with too little to offer, Gabriel had been easily dragged into Mcrees’ crazy parties: Bodies bathed in neon lights, loud music, cheap booze and warm thighs wrapped around his waist. Sometimes he was so intoxicated he didn’t remember a thing, like locking up on a dirty bathroom to suck off a stranger who had a white mark around his ring finger. 

 

He was too old for that and yet he fell so easily. And at some point, it had been harder to quit meaningless sex than alcohol. Gabriel did spend too much time on 

 

“Ana, I’m not like that anymore. I can’t believe I have to tell you this.” he insist, offended “I just—- like to talk to him, he is funny and smart and— I really like to be around him. Hell, even Angela said it was okay to make a new friend, which is what I’m trying.”

 

Her gaze is warm, it has always being warm. Ana was a mother, used to deal with tantrums and to see through childish lies. Lying to Ana is nearly impossible, a woman too wise for her age. Gabriel always thought that motherhood made her grow up faster.

 

Ana huffs, rubs her temples. “You know? Half of the woman here believe they got a chance and they are always wandering around him like bees attracted to honey.” Ana brushes her own long hair with the fingers “That caused problems since he is so kind and people got a wrong perception of his actions. They tried to take advantage because he is the kind of person who can befriend anyone.” 

 

“That’s not my intention, I genuinely like his company.”

 

“And I do believe you, Gabriel. But I hope you are careful, don’t put him on a bad spot.” Ana holds Gabriel hands “He is devoted to this church, he is married to it, do you understand?”

 

“I already know that. I knew it from the moment I met him.” Gabriel puffs “Can I go back to him now, mom? I won’t try to kiss him, I promise.”

 

“Don’t joke about it.” Ana warns, letting go his hands. “Take care of him, okay?”

 

“You don’t believe I can even take care of myself and now you ask me to take care of him?” Gabriel snickers, recalling Ana’s complains of him adopting an old dog “Why?”

 

The woman steps closer and flicks his nose with her fingers. That’s a familiar gesture, a very fond, motherly gesture that Ana did to Jesse all the time after scolding him. 

 

“Because you are actually better at taking care of others than yourself.” she explains, before walking away to meet her daughter.

 

Gabriel doesn’t move, warmth seeping into his core. He rubs his cheek, closing his eyes, taking a deep breath. The sound of Fareeha’s laugh makes him look up, and he spots Jack carrying the girl. She got her arms wrapped around him while Jack offers a piece of cake to her. They are both laughing, looking genuinely happy. It’s pretty picture that makes his stomach do somersaults. 

 

Gabriel has to fight the urge to pull out his phone and take a photo.

* * *

_ Wheat.  _

 

_ A waving field of wheat, golden as the burning sun over his head, hanging on the sky.  _

 

_ There is a farmhouse on the middle of the field, vibrant read, just like the round apple he is holding. _

 

_ “May I have a bite?” _

 

_ Gabriel turns around, finding a hand outstretched towards him. He blinks, settles the apple on the hand and watches the father bring the apple to his mouth, part his lips and take a bite of the crunchy fruit.  _

 

_ The chewing sounds make his mouth run dry and the cold blue of he father’s eyes makes his knees go weak.  _

 

_ And he is shaking, just like another wheat spike.  _

 

* * *

 

 

“How is rehabilitation going?”

 

Gabriel fiddles with the angel figure on the doctor’s office, tapping his foot, a tic he has long forgotten he got but sometimes came back. He always had this need to fiddle things on his hands to avoid getting anxious, just as some people scribbled on the corner of the books to keep concentrated on whatever they were doing. 

 

“I’ve actually started light running.” Gabriel puts the figure over the desk “Not for long periods, of course.”

 

“Really? That’s great! That explains why Dr. Moira suggested you came today.” the doctor  fixes her glasses, “Do you feel comfortable with the exercises or does it gives you more anxiety than usual?”

 

“It’s actually reassuring.” Gabriel smiles, eyebrows coming together “Even my dog seems happy now that we can go faster, though he is getting slower.” 

 

“You are on your way to come back to the active life you got.” Angela encourages, interlacing her fingers —a gesture that reminds him of Dr. Moira— “Have you been sleeping well?” 

 

“I’ve been coming home too tired to even dream at all.” he confesses, throwing a leg over his knee “Or to have nightmares.”

 

Angela squints her eyes. “Did they stop?”

 

A smile pulls from the corner of his lips. He looks down, sighs loudly “Not completely.”

 

One of the main reasons Gabriel started taking therapy has been to deal with the nightmares. After quitting the military he spent a few days numb, light headed, limp —he had to use crutches—, moving on his own but without really paying attention to his surrounders. It took him a while to accept his life as a soldier had came to an end. Even know there are nights where he lies awake at night too frightened to fall asleep. Going back to LA, finding another job thanks to the assistance program, living on a peaceful neighborhood, getting a service dog. Most of those decisions had been taken on a whim.  _ Keep moving _ , that has always been his moto.  _ Keep moving forward _ . 

 

“It hasn’t been too long, Gabriel. It’s completely normal you still have nightmares.” Angela’s voice is soothing, as usual, speaking the true but reconforting on its own way. 

 

“I know, but, after being able to actually sleep for three days on a row and then suddenly waking up screaming in the middle of the night.” Gabriel sinks his face on his hands, taking a deep breath. “It’s drives me mad.”

 

“Are the nightmares worst?”

 

“No, they are the same.” he scratches his chin “Is it even okay to call them nightmares when they are mostly made of memories?”

 

“If they cause a strong emotional response like fear or despair, yes.” Angela insists “But the past is in the past, try to look at the aspects on your life where you have gotten better.” Angela makes a gesture, inviting Gabriel to speak. 

 

Gabriel tries to recall all the good things that had happened since he came back: Got a nice job, a cute dog, the support group to work with and he made a new friend a few months ago. Everything going smoothly as far as he can tell.

 

“No more unhealthy coping mechanisms, right?

Dark flush on his cheeks, Gabriel shakes his head. “No.”

 

He wonders if he should mention those random dreams with Jack. Angela once mentioned the importance of the feeling during his dreams, helped him to understand what was going on with those bizarre pictures. Gabriel finally decides to not speak. There is no way he can openly say the way the father rolled the pieces of fruit on his tongue gave him goosebumps and made his mouth water. 

 

* * *

Jesse’s 22th birthday is celebrated on Gabriel’s apartment. Initially, Ana offered her place but forgot about Fareeha’s sleepover with the rest of the girl scouts, which lead to Gabriel offering his own place to avoid ruin the night for the girls. Since he lived by himself and Jesse didn’t planned to invite a lot of people he saw no problem. Or at least that what he thinks. 

 

By the time he got too tired of opening the door and let whoever was close to do it, there was enough people to make impossible for him to find a spot on couch or any piece of furniture .

 

Gabriel curses under his breath when someone steps on his feet while attempting to dance. “Come on!” he groans, making his way around the room. Aside from several friends --probably half of Jesse’s class was-- there were some coworkers and pals form the therapy group. Jesse is sitting between two girls, drinking from a cup, moving his hands as he speaks and people around him laugh. A few days ago he refused to do a party and now he seemed to enjoy being the center of attention. Ana looks pleased, Gabriel rolls his eyes.

 

“Let him be.” Gabriel tells himself, looking at the time on his phone. It was still early for young people to arrive but a bit late for someone used to be on time. Someone near the table complains about the lack of ice and Gabriel offers to get some. 

 

When he gets off the house, he finds someone standing on the door, holding a hand on the air, probably about to knock.

 

“You came.”

 

Jack blinks, smiles bashfully, shrugging.

 

* * *

“I swear I thought there would be just a few people.” Gabriel pulls out his wallet, looking for cash while waiting on the line of the market “I should have seen this coming. I mean, the guy is popular, of course a lot of people would come.”

 

“You don’t need to apologize.” Jack pats his back “But I think I shouldn’t enter, last thing I want to do is make him uncomfortable.” 

 

“You won’t.” Gabriel insists “I mean, it was Jesse the one who told me to invite you. He invites friends from college, people from the support group. The guy can be very social, no need to worry.”

 

Jack pulls a face, closes his eyes, sighs through his nose. “As you say.”

 

The answer comes out a bit forced and even Gabriel can tell that. He looks up, purses his lips, calculating as Jack gets out of the market and waits for him to grab his change. 

 

“You can’t take it out?”

 

“Uhm? What?” Jack turns to him, arching an eyebrow.

 

Gabriel points at his own neck and then at Jack’s .“The collar. Must be uncomfortable wearing on a party, right? And it’s not like I’m going to tell anyone I saw you without it.” 

 

Jack squints his eyes, holding a hand over his collar. “I’m not... forced to wear it.”

 

“You aren’t?” Gabriel blinks “Then just take it off.”

 

“I don’t want to.” 

 

“Why?” Gabriel tilts his face, studying Jack’s expression “It’s just a collar, it doesn’t change the fact of who you—”

 

“It’s like asking someone to take off his wedding ring.”

 

“Oh.” Gabriel presses his lips together, shifting his eyes away. “I’m being disrespectful again, right?” 

 

“I don’t know what you are talking about, you’ve never been disrespectful.” Jack pinches his cheek, a gesture to which Gabriel became too used to “I didn’t mean it in that way either.”

 

“Please elaborate?”

 

Jack stops, picking a can from the floor and throwing it to the closest garbage can. 

 

“While there isn’t a rule that forces me to use it I rather do it, specially on social meetings.”  Jack explains, air quotes on social meetings. “It kind of scares certain people away.” 

 

Gabriel snorts. “You mean women, right?”

 

“I don’t want to be rude.” Jack holds his hands on the air “I can avoid uncomfortable situations by wearing this, it saves a lot of time.” he taps his wrist, as if pointing the time “It’s easier to relay on it, like a married man would do on a wedding ring.”  

 

“Wedding ring, huh?” Gabriel smiles, remembering what Ana said to him during the bake sale. “You do know there is people who don’t care about those details, right?”

 

Jack gulps a mortified laugh, head hanging, rubbing his nape. “I know, really.” he side eyes Gabriel “We better hurry up before you freeze your hands.”

 

They rush to the apartament, where Jesse welcomes Jack with a hug, wrapping his arms around his neck,  enthusiastically  thanking him for coming. Gabriel has to grab him by the collar of his shirt to pull him away from Jack before things get uncomfortable. To his surprise, Jack doesn’t seem bothered and find his reaction funny. Once he is free, he is approached by a couple of members of the support group who recognize him. Gabriel wonders just how many people from the community Jack knew.  

 

* * *

“Taking a break?”

 

Jack’s voice reaches Gabriel above the fuss inside his apartament once the door is slide open. He looks over his shoulder, forearms resting on the handrail of the balcony, a cigarette between his fingers. 

 

“I wanted to call Fareeha’s nanny to know how are the girls doing and if Reaper is okay. You know, because that dog is old and he has been a bit sick lately.” he takes a puff as Jack gets closer. “Is it ok to smoke in front of you?”

 

“What do you want me to say to you? That is not healthy?” Jack shrugs, reaching the handrail, taking a look of the streets. “I don’t think that would make a difference. You won't listen to me.”

 

“Jeez, thought you would care more about the neighbor, where is your empathy?” Gabriel sneers, his laugh stopping once Jack slips the cigarette from his mouth. “Hey,  _ what— _ ” Gabriel gapes at what happen next: Jack taps the ashes off on the handrail, then brings the same cigarette to his thin lips, taking a long drag with closed eyes, to finally exhale a cloud of white smoke that vapes into thin air. 

 

It makes the hair on the back of his neck prickle and his eyes sting, he isn’t sure if it because of the smoke or because he has stopped blinking.

 

 

 

 

“Do—” he squeaks, clears his voice, tries again “Do you smoke?”

 

“Used to.” Jack gives him the cigarette back. “I don’t really do it anymore. I’m supposed to lead by example.” he rests his back on the handrail, arms tangled “It’s easy to fall into temptation; even easier when you see a pastor doing it.”

 

The word temptation sends a shudder down his spine. He remember his dream: wheat fields, a bright red apple, Jack’s sharp blue eyes. 

 

“Don’t you miss it?”

 

“Not like I’m forbidden to smoke or drink, as you just saw.” Jack explains, looking up at the sky “But it’s a bad habit… I don’t really miss it.” 

 

“Bad habits…” Gabriel takes a puff, ignoring the tingling sensation on his lips. “You had them.”

 

“Of course.” Jack caresses his collar with the tip of his fingers. “We all got bad habits.”

 

He speaks without thinking, just as usual, nicotine doing too little to sooth his nerves. His eyes wander around before settling back on Jack, on the golden cross necklace around his neck that glows with the reflection of the street lights. 

“Have you ever been in love?”

 

The question takes Jack’s by surprise, or at least that what his face says. He doesn’t look away, keeping Gabriel still with his sleek eyes. 

 

“I’m not sure.”

 

“...Eh?” Gabriel blurts, “Why?”

 

“If your question were if I’ve ever dated someone, I would say yes.” Jack runs a finger along the handrail, rubbing the dust of his fingertips “I had a couple of girlfriends before ordination, when I was in college.” Jack snorts, rolls his eyes “Really pretty girls.” 

 

“...You did?!” Gabriel squeaks, face flushing when Jack bursts into laughter. 

 

“Why are you surprised?” he asks, patting Gabriel on the shoulder “I thought you said I wasn’t ugly.”

 

Gabriel groans, shaking off the hand on his shoulder, rubbing the back of his neck, refusing to repeat what he said. That’s a piece of information he didn’t expect but, again, what did he know about Jack? He got a degree on philosophy, plays the piano, speaks as many languages as him and has a sweet tooth; he dislikes horror movies but love actions ones, hates the concept of war but it’s pretty good at video games. He has several plants and love animals but refuses to get a pet because he was afraid of not being able to take care of one properly. Pieces of information he picked from their daily conversations. But what does he know about the Jack before the clergy collar? Nothing. It makes sense that he used to smoke, drink, date girls. He knew was a hangover was, the taste of menthol cigarettes and definitely how to kiss with tongue.  _ At the end, we are all humans. _

 

“I don’t think I loved them.”

 

The street lights blink, casting shadows on Jack’s face. He got nice features; sharp cheekbones and a strong jaw, long eyelashes and a the kind of face you would spend too much time looking at.   

 

“Who?”

 

“The people I dated before.” Jack continues, his voice calm, clear eyes following the movement of the moths attracted by the street lights. “I don’t think I was ever able to love a person; individually, I mean.” Jack looks away, a smile pulling from his mouth “Maybe that’s why it was so easy to become a pastor.“

 

The revelation makes Gabriel’s stomach churn, even when he feels the same way. That warm buzzing feeling described on books, songs, movies is something he hasn’t experimented, and he doesn’t intent to do it. Gabriel is perfectly able to live a life without the  butterflies fluttering on his stomach. 

 

But for a person who talked so much about love, wasn’t sad to admit that they’ve never loved anyone?

 

“I—”

 

A knock on the crystal door pulls them out of their gaze. They turn to the door and find Ana, who got her hands pressed against the crystal, eagle eyes fixed on them, lips pursed. Her eyebrows knit together before she makes a beckoning gesture and then points behind her back as the lights go off.

 

Gabriel rubs his arm. “I think it’s time for the cake.” 

 

* * *

A gentle tap on his shoulder shakes him from his slumber. Gabriel cracks an eye open, finding a figure bend over him, bathed in moonlight. 

 

“I need to go now.” Jack whispers, holding his coat under his arms. “I just wanted to let you know.”

 

“I’ll walk you to the door.” Dizzy after getting a bit too excited and allowing Jesse to fill his cup several times, Gabriel tries to sit, finding that task hard to accomplish with Jesse sprawled over him, cheek pressed against his chest.

 

“It’s not necessary, you could wake him up.”

 

Gabriel clicks his tongue, grabbing a fistful of Jesse’s hair, not hard enough to wake him but enough to make him grumble on his dream. There is a thread of saliva dripping from the corner of his mouth, pooling over his shirt, staining the fabric. “This guy...”

 

“He is really fond to you.” 

 

“Uh,” Gabriel squints his eyes, trying to tell apart what expression Jack makes, something hard with the lack of light “yeah, we’ve been friends for a while already. I think he looks up at me like, you know, because I’m older.”

 

He slowly straightens, half lidded eyes fixed on Gabriel. “You haven’t notice..”

 

He furrows his brow “Notice what _? _ ” 

 

Jack chuckles, pressing a closed fist against his mouth, eyes closed. “Nothing.” A flutter of eyelashes and he is looking at Gabriel again, the edges of his lips curved up “Have a good night,  _ Reyes _ .”

 

The way he says his name makes his stomach flip and before he manages to elaborate a question, Jack already reaches the door, leaving as quietly as he arrived. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Second chapter up and two more to go!  
> Thanks for reading :)


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't forget to always read the tags of the story! Something sad may happen on this or next chapter :(

“I got a wedding.”

Jack sounds really excited when he says it, genuinely excited. He barely can keep the smile off his face, fiddling with the bottle of water on his hands as they walk down the street towards the dog’s park.

“Wedding?” Gabriel puffs, nodding in agreement “That’s… nice.”

“It’s my first wedding; the first one I perform, I mean.” Jack runs a hand through his hair “I’m—really excited. It’s the first time a couple comes to me asking for my services on this specific matter. I feel honored.”

“That’s good.” Gabriel scratches his cheek “You like weddings.”

“Who doesn’t?” Jack opens the bottle and takes a sip “Agreeing to spend the rest of your life with someone… it’s a big step, a brave one.”

“Sounds the other way to me. Like, do you really need to make someone swear they won’t leave you and then take half of their things if they do?” he sputters “That doesn’t sounds as love, but very hypocrite to me if you ask.”

Reaper wags its tail when another dog passes them by, pulling from his leash, trying to follow it. Gabriel warns, stopping his dog. “No, no, we are going to the park, there will be more dogs there.”

“Is that what you think?”

“Of course! It’s a dog park, there are definitely more dogs.”

“About marriage.” Jack explains, a puzzled expression on his face. “Do you think it’s hypocrite?”

Again, unable to control his mouth, Gabriel lets a frustrated sign out. “Sorry, I didn’t mean it that way.” He rubs the back of his neck, embarrassed. “It’s just… not my thing. If I loved anyone enough to want to spend the rest of my life with them I just-- I would do it. The rest it’s just paperwork and spending a huge amount of money on a fancy party.”

Jack stares at him with a puzzled expression before saying, very serious, very calmly:

“God, you are such a bitter man.”

He sounds honestly taken by the revelation that it makes Gabriel wheeze loud and long.

“You just notice?”

“Thought you had a soft spot.” Jack gives back Gabriel the bottle and then inspects his own nails “You cried during that movie…”

Gabriel takes a sip, then rubs the back of his hand over his mouth “You better not tell a single person about that.”

Jack holds a hand over his chest, pulling of a painful expression “You ask me to lie?”

“I ask you to keep it a secret.” Gabriel playfully sticks an elbow on Jack’s side “You are a father, don’t you keep secrets from everyone in the confessional?”

“You just said it: in the confessional.” Jack shrugs “But if we are out of there…”

When they arrive the park, Reaper quickly finds another dog to play with; they run around, taking the older dog a bit of effort to follow his young pal’s pace, but he seems to have fun as Gabriel and Jack sit on a bench and watch them play. Jack asks if he ever thought about getting married, which Gabriel denies.

 

“I wasn’t expecting to make it out alive, you know? I mean—” he makes a vague hand motion “I wasn’t expecting to live this long. I was willing to die on the battlefield so it was a miracle I made it with all my limbs attached to my body.” he pats his leg “For a moment I thought I would lose the leg or—”

 

When silence falls between them, Gabriel fears having spoke too much. He casually mentions the army when they met but made an effort to avoid the topic. Last thing he wants is to make Jack uncomfortable.

 

“I’m thankful.” Jack settles a hand over his shoulder and squeezes “I’m glad I met you.”

 

“Ah, yeah, me too.” Gabriel feels his face heat up and ducks his head, pinching the grass between his thumb and index “I’m glad I’m here.” he snorts; Gabriel can’t believe he is able to finally say it. “I’m glad I came back.”

 

Reaper rolls on his back over a patch of daisies and when he goes back to Gabriel, his back is covered on daisies. Jack wheezes and takes a photo before helping Gabriel to clean it.

 

“If you ever get married he could be the flower dog.”

 

“Great, now I just need someone who is willing to spending the rest of their lives with me.” he jokes, scratching behind his dog’s ears. “That would take so long!”

 

“Pff, are you serious?” Jack tilts his head, “I bet you could get a girl like that in no time.” he snaps his finger. “You have to promise me to call me when you get married.”

 

Reaper whines when the scratches stop, prompting Gabriel to keep caressing him. Gabriel blinks slowly, the words sinking as the seconds pass by. He has been dreaming a lot lately, about red apples and Jack’s blue eyes.

 

However, last night he gave Jack a rotten apple.

 

And Jack ate it anyway.

 

“Gabe?”

 

“Nothing.”

 

Jack casually mentions the day the wedding is planned and Gabriel takes mental note of it. He would drop by that day, just to take a glimpse of the ceremony and to see Jack dressed up in a white alb.

 

 

* * *

 

Gabriel could have perfectly handle the situation, or that’s what he tells himself over and over. He has always been a man in control despite his own disorders; a methodical being. He follows a schedule to avoid stress and takes his medication on time to prevent anxiety spikes. Everything in order.

 

But them the nightmares came back.

 

Except there aren’t monsters in there and it takes him longer to realize it is a nightmare.

 

Gabriel is back on the farm, the same wheat field he started walking through, holding one of those red apples _(they’re called honeycrips)_ and for the first time, he decides to take a bite; he has been carrying those apples all the time, why couldn’t he try one? They look juicy and he is hungry. He has been hungry all the time.

 

_“We can share.”_

 

The Jack on his dreams dresses up in a white alb and a stole fully embroidered, with shades of white gold. He takes a step forward and reaches Gabriel’s hand, the one holding the apple.

 

Gabriel’s breath hitches when Jack bends over and sink teeth into the crunchy fruit, eyes keeping him still; he pulls apart, lips damp with juice, the tip of his tongue peaking out after he swallows.

 

Gabriel wakes up, heartbeat hammering on his ears, hands clenched on the sheets like claws; he idly pick up the sheets to look under before rolling his eyes.

 

He lies flat on his back, face burning, making the mattress squeak under his weight.

 

The realization comes slow but clear.

 

“I need to get laid.”

 

* * *

 

Jesse spins on the stool, then rests his arms on the bar as he speaks again.

 

“You sure are thirsty, ain’t you?”

 

Head lolling to the side, Gabriel settles the bottle down with a thud, trying to focus his glassy eyes on the face of his friend.

 

“Shut up.” he growls, furrowed brow “Unlike you, I can handle it.”

 

It’s been a while since he has been there, sitting on one of those puffy stools, drinking bourbon as Jesse puffs from one of those cheap cigarettes he likes so much. The place is full at that time of the night, couples having fun and singles trying to fish someone for the night; it was a popular place at the downtown of LA, with enough _variety_ for the public.

 

Sure, he could use tinder, as Jesse suggested in the past. But Gabriel liked to work for it, and a few drinks always helped.

 

Gabriel drums his fingers on the bar as he listens to Jesse’s idly talk, an attempt to seduce the bartender in order to get a free drink. A pretty funny picture he was used to on the past, but he later would realize just how much of a bad habit was for Mccree to expect free stuff from others.

 

_We all got bad habits._

 

He gulpes the rest of his drink, squeezing his eyes shut as alcohol burns his throat. _No._ He wouldn’t start to think about Jack. The whole point of going out that night was to not think about Jack. He already did it too often —took too long for him to realize just how often he did it— and those dreams were just a warning: some things are out of your control. And he refuses to be part of a game where he is just a simple pawn.

 

“I like your hair.”

 

The casual compliment comes to him above the music pumped across the place. His eyes meet the stranger’s, finding mischievous eyes, blue as endless skies of summer.

 

“Thanks.” he breathes, blinking slowly. “I like yours too.”

 

The man runs a hand through the obvious dying blonde locks, the piercing on his bottom lip glistening when he smiles sheepish.

 

So different to Jack.

 

And that made him perfect.

 

Gabriel thinks the only games worth to play are the ones where he has the advantage.

 

* * *

 

A explossions of colours fills the screen when Jack gets shot during the game.

 

“Ugh.” he lets his head hangs between his shoulders, defeated. He lifts from his seat, settles down the controller and turns off the console. “Good game.”

 

Lights are off by 11:00 pm since his day starts early in the morning. Sometimes he stays up until late —like last week, during jesse’s birthday— but it is a change of plans he isn’t use to. The true is, Jack loves to sleep. A proper rest gives clarity and allows his mind to rest. He constantly argues with Gabriel about his bad habit to stay up until very late.

 

However, after being at his place and finding the pills on the bathroom, he guesses the reason of his insomnia might come from another source.

 

Jack sincerely appreciates Gabriel and values his honesty, but he can tell he keeps a lot of stuff from him. He decides the last thing Gabriel needs is someone he just met asking questions and he hopes he can feel safe enough to share those things with him; not like he must do it, but he would love to help, even if it’s not as a father but as a friend.

 

His phone buzzes over the nightstand and he hurries to answer, guessing who the sender might be. A smile pulls from his lips when he sees Gabriel’s name on the screen; the smile quickly disappear as he realizes it’s just only one word.

 

_ >Outside. _

 

He knits his eyebrows together. “Outside?”

 

It doesn’t take too long for Jack to understand the message when he hears a thud.  

 

The church is open 24/7  for people to pray and reflect, and he is used to unexpected visitors arriving very late at night, some of them seeking refuge. Of course those are usually worshippers… he doesn’t expect to find Gabriel.

 

“...Gabe?” he calls softly “Are you okay?”

 

Gabriel sits on the floor, resting his forehead on his knees, back against the door. He lifts his gaze, meeting Jack’s eyes.

 

“Hey…”

 

Jack kneels next to him, settling a hand on his shoulder. “What are you doing here?”

 

Gabriel blinks slowly. “I needed to talk.”

 

The smell of alcohol on Gabriel’s breath make him wrinkle his nose. It’s not the first time he has seen Gabriel drunk —he perfectly recalls Gabriel asking him to dance with him during his friend's birthday party; cheeks flushed, a big goofy smile on his face—, but this version of himself looked more… pitiful.

 

“You drank too much…”

 

“I need to confess, _father_.” he drawls, tilting his head to the side.

 

Jack laughs, patting his friend on he back. “I can’t take your confession here.”

 

“Wouldn’t you hear me anyway?” Gabriel settles a hand over Jack’s, heavy lidded eyes keeping him still “I don’t wanna lie to you...”

 

“You’ve never lied to me.”

 

The edges of his lips curve up, eyes narrowed. “I already did.”

 

There were reasons why Jack was careful around people and alcohol: if you drink too much, your speech starts to slur, you become unsteady on your feet and may start to say things you may regret the next day. Which meant: being honest. Jack was used to people opening themselves to him but they did it on their right mind.

 

Not like this.

 

“You need to rest.”

 

“Can you guess where I’ve been?”

 

“Drinking, I suppose.” Jack wraps one of Gabriel’s arms around his neck, helping him to get up. “A bit too much.”

 

“Getting my ass wrecked.” he slurs, resting his head against Jack, ignoring his stiff shoulders, “It’s been a while since I sucked a cock.” he throws his head back, wheezing. “I thought I would choke, it was _so_ big.”

 

Jack looks away, trying not to think in anything in particular and at the same time mentally repeating any biblical passage. "Hm.”

 

Gabriel lolls his head to face Jack, pulling a face, “I couldn't do it that much back home, y’know?” he starts, trailing off.“My father would have beat the shit out of me if he found out.”   

 

The comment makes Jack frown. “Why?”

 

“‘cause two men together are disgusting, right?”

 

Jack stops moving, words sinking on his psyche as Gabriel stumbles against him. Gabriel tenses, pulls apart and staggers in an attempt to get away from him; if it wasn't because Jack was fast enough to grab his wrist, he would have fallen backwards.

 

He holds Gabriel’s wrist, feeling the tremble on his hand; he tries to meet his eyes and realize Gabriel is watching at his feet; shoulder hunched, lips pressed on a thin line.

 

Jack sighs and pulls Gabriel closer, wrapping his arms around his tense body on a hug.

 

“You’re not disgusting.”

 

* * *

 

Waking up on a stranger’s bed is something he got used to after the crazy nights spent on clubs and bars —he rather crash on a _new friend_ ’s bed than bringing someone home—. Those kind of mornings started all the same: A different lighting, a potential fluffier mattress, a different perfume on the sheets. Just as he wakes up, there is a split-second of confusion before all comes back to him.

 

The last thing he remembers from last night is Jack’s face before passing out, and he expects Jack’s face to be the first thing he sees when he wakes up.

 

He does finds a familiar face, but not the one he expects.

 

“Good morning, Gabriel.” Ana greets bitterly, arms fold over her chest, furrowed brow.

 

Gabriel sighs exasperatedly, pressing his face against the pillow on an attempt to suffocate himself.

 

“ _Fuuuck._ ”

 

* * *

 

“How is Jesse?” Gabriel blows his coffee before taking a sip, wrinkling his nose when he detects the tastes almond milk. He says nothing, refusing to give Ana an excuse to jump to his throat.

 

“He is fine even when you left him by himself; managed to find his way back home.” Ana spits “Unlike others…” she squints her eyes “What are you doing here?”

 

Gabriel pinches the bridge of his nose. “We can talk about this later.”

 

“No, we are talking about this now.” Ana sits on the mattress, just next to Gabriel. “What are you doing here?”

 

“Being miserable?” Gabriel sneers, arching an eyebrow, earning a well deserved pinch on the cheek. “ _Ouch_! Stop!”

 

“No! You stop!” Ana points an accusatory finger toward him “You promised me you wouldn’t do this!”

 

“I’ve done nothing, I swear!” Gabriel rubs his cheek “I just-- crashed here.”

 

“So you decided to crash on a _church_?” Ana rolls her eyes “Or did you wanted to crash on someone’s pants?”

 

Gabriel groans. “I did not try to get on his pants.”

 

“Why are you talking about pants?”

 

Ana and Gabriel turn to the door, finding Jack there, holding a plastic bag with the logo of an convenience store.

 

“Nothing.” Ana lifts from the bed, side eyeing Gabriel before turning her complete attention on Jack. “Thanks for taking care of him. I have to leave now and pick up Fareeha from practice.”

 

“It’s fine.” Jack shrugs “I’ll send him home before heading to the church.”

 

They said goodbye to each other and Gabriel finds himself alone with Jack, again. Memories from last night’s conversation flash in front of his eyes, making his stomach flip. He definitely spoke too much.

 

For the first time since he woke up, he decides to look around and study his surroundings: Jack’s room is small, tidy as his own, with a few oak furniture and a lot of potted plants near the only window. He got a console in front of the tv and a laptop on his desk; three framed pictures hanging on the walls (a couple of elders, a farm, children running on a wheat field) aside from a wooden cross.

“Thanks for letting me crash here.” he mouths, eyes back on Jack, who kindly smiles to him.

 

“No problem.”

 

They stay on silence for a moment, before Gabriel speaks again.

 

“...I’m sorry.”

 

“You don’t need to apologize.” Jack seems to understand the reason behind his apology, or at least that’s what Gabriel hopes. He approaches the plants lined near the window, poking the white flowers on one of them. “I don’t know if you planned it but… thanks for telling me.”

 

“Uh, yeah.” Gabriel ducks his head, scratching his nape “I just— don’t want you to feel uncom—”

 

“You have problems to sleep, right?”

 

Gabriel looks up, finding Jack holding one of the potted plants.

 

“Yeah…” he looks away, biting his lip. He is surprised he managed to sleep without waking up in the middle of the night “Did I talk on my sleep or something?”

 

“No, you slept soundly. But, uh, I saw the pills you got at home on the bathroom.” Jack approaches the bed, still holding the potted plant “Most of the plants I got help to slow down heart rate, lower blood pressure and levels of stress. For example, Gardenia relieves anxiety and promote sleep. Of course I’m not a specialist and I would never tell you to drop your medication.” he sneers “But it helps a bit, I guess.”

 

Gabriel winces at the mention of his insomnia, realizes Jack must know more than it looks like. “They look nice too.”

 

“I want to give you these.”

 

Gabriel gapes, watching Jack settling the pott on the nightstand “You don’t have to.”

 

“I said I want to.” he insist, sitting on the bed, resting his hands on his knees “Let me…” He sighs, runs a hand through his hair “let me do something for you… just one thing at least, for a friend.” Jack crosses his arm, furrowed brow. “Most of the time I feel helpless next to you.” he tilts his head, an airless smile on his face when he looks at Gabriel. “That’s a feeling I’m not used to.”

 

The smell of Gardenia reach his nose, make his eyes sting and his heart thud. The completely opposite reaction of what Jack told him about. Then he realizes it’s not because of the gardenia, neither because of the lavender or the valerian. It’s Jack. It has always been Jack. Jack and his deep voice, his silly jokes and warm hands; Jack and the lights conversations about flowers, or the deep ones about Plato; Jack eating red apples on his dreams and giving him flowers when he woke up.

 

“Are you okay, Gabe?”

 

“...Yeah.” Gabriel responds on a thin voice, light headed, completely intoxicated with love.

 

* * *

 

Jesse rests his cheek on the palm of his hand, staring at the cat in front of him. The animal licks his leg without haste, then rubbing his face, squeezing his eyes shut before lying flat, enjoying the sun bath.

 

“What a good life you have.”

 

The office’s door open and Gabriel gets out, followed by Reaper, who pulls from the leash the moment they step outside. It makes Jesse chuckle, the way the dog seems to drag Gabriel around instead of following his pace. He never understood why Gabriel picked such a complicate dog when it was obviously not doing its job.

 

“How did it went?”

 

Gabriel shrugs, smiles. “He is better now.”

 

When Gabriel asks him to go with him to the vet, his first reaction is asking for Jack. Lately those two have been spending a ridiculous amount of time together, becoming inseparable. Jesse quickly gets offended, feeling left behind. Gabriel usually makes fun of him because of that, poking his sides, calling him ‘cute when he is jealous’.

 

Jesse blushes, cursing under his breath.

 

“I’m surprised Jack didn’t come this time.”

 

“You said you wanted to spend more time with me and now you complain?” Gabriel rolls his eyes, “Well, next time I’m not calling you.” he looks away. “I’ll find another person to treat lunch.”

 

“Okay, okay! Thanks for invitin’ me!”

 

They stop by a food truck, since they couldn’t get to any restaurant with reaper. The only place arounds where pets were allowed was Gabriel’s favorite coffee shop, but Jesse disliked sweets.

 

“This is good.” Jesse holds the hot dog, careful to not get his clothes soiled with the toppings. His mouth water at the view of cream cheese, chopped cabbage and sliced raw jalapeños. “Gabriel Reyes, I love you.”

 

“Are you really going to eat all of that?” Gabriel rests his back on a wall “It looks huge.”

 

“I can take bigger things, if ya know what I mean.” Jesse blinks and Gabriel arches his eyebrows. “I’m talking about cocks.”

 

“I got it!” Gabriel lets out an exasperated sigh.

 

“You never told me what happened.” Jesse asks after taking a bite “You know, after you left the bar. The guy asked for your number and all. Didn’t you want to meet him again?”

 

Face warm, Gabriel recalls pieces of memories from last weekend. The guy on the bar; tall, blonde, wild. The tattoos on his arms, the sound of his belt when it hit the ground and the piercing on his—

 

“Wiener?” Jesse offers, holding the hot dog in front of Gabriel’s face. “What’s wrong?”

 

“Nothing.” Gabriel accepts Jesse offers and takes a bite himself, the flavor of cheese filling his mouth “Mmf, this is good.”

 

“Ana told me you crushed at Jack’s place.” Jesse licks his fingers, leaving them sticky. Gabriel offers a napkin for him to clean himself “Did something happen?”

 

“If by something you mean me coming out to him… yes, something happened.” Gabriel kicks the air, looking down at his feet, a smile on his lips, “He was surprisingly sympathetic.” he takes a deep breath and sighs loudly. “And very kind.”

 

At his feet, Reaper sniffs the air, wagging his tail; he waits for the food scraps, or at least for Jesse to drop a bit of the toppings on the floor.

 

Jesse keeps eating the hot dog, chewing slowly as he studies Gabriel’s expression. That’s something Gabriel taught him, to read people. It worked on bars, when they were trying to get company for the night. He mastered the technique in no time and made it his own. And even when Gabriel wasn’t exactly someone easy to read, he got the advantage of knowing him. He saw the best and worse on a short period of time, and could easily tell when he was hitting bottom.

 

“Kindness can be cruel sometimes.”

 

Gabriel lifts his eyes, parted lips, blinking slowly. He stares at Jessy, his cocky expression, before cackling loudly.

 

“How did you know?”

 

“It’s written all over your face, old man.” Jesse kneels, giving reaper the rest of the hot dog, scratching behind his ears “Ana knows?”

 

“She suspects.” Gabriel sighs “It’s a matter of time at this point.”

 

“What are you goin’ to do now?” Jesse asks, watching Gabriel look up at the sky, taking a deep breath.

 

“Keep my promise.”

 

Jesse blinks slowly.

 

“To who?”

 

 

* * *

 

“Now, get together for a photo.”

 

Ana wraps an arm around her daughter’s shoulder as Gabriel and Jack get behind the girls. She takes a couple of photos with her phone before showing them to her the little girl. “Do you like it?”

 

“Gabe always makes a grumpy face.” Fareeha complains, pursing her lips; Jack snorts and Gabriel looks away, make a vague gesture.

 

“I can’t help it, I don’t like photos.” he looks over Ana’s shoulders and clicks his tongue. He can tell a headache is coming when he realizes how long is the line to the ferris wheel.

 

“Maybe we can get on another attraction.” Jack suggests, holding blue cotton candy. “There are plenty for us to get in.”

 

Gabriel looks up at the sky, sweat pearling on his face. “You said you wanted to get on this one.”

 

The first day on the county fair was crazy as usual; the attendance and the high temperatures played against the initial plan. Gabriel wanted Jack to get on as many attractions as possible but considering the amount of people there and the time, they would be able to ride just a few on Jack’s long list. Maybe if they would have spent less time eating they could have ride the ferris wheel a while ago.

 

But Jack had a big appetite.

 

“There is no point if it’s going to take us so long.” Jack points behind his back “We could get on another. What do you think?” he asks Ana and her daughter.

 

The woman pushes her long hair behind her shoulder “Actually, we should get going. It’s getting late and we gotta met this little girl’s father for dinner.” she rolls her eyes, “And I can’t refuse when he is paying.” Ana shrugs. “Free food is always welcomed.”

 

“Sam is here?” Gabriel pats Ana on the shoulder “Say hi to him from me.”

 

Ana fumes. “He hates you, Gabriel.”

 

“And the feeling is mutual.” Gabriel gives a thumbs up. “Have fun with the dinner then.”

 

“I’ll try, really.” Ana says, before saying goodbye and grabbing Fareeha’s hand. They walk away from the line and easily get lost on the crowd.

 

“So, do you still want to ride on this?” Jack asks once they are alone again.

 

“Yes, I want you to get on this one, you will love it.” he grabs a bit of the candy with his fingers and shoves the cotton inside his mouth “I should have gotten one.”

 

Jack sputters, shaking his head. “What a fickle man… when I asked you if you wanted one you told me you didn’t.”

 

“I’m not fickle.” Gabriel tilts his head “I always now what I want. I didn’t want the cotton candy before but since we are on this line with nothing to do but eating, I want one now.”

 

“That’s exactly what fickle means!” Jack wheezes before grabbing the rest of the cotton with his fingers and shoving it inside Gabriel’s mouth.

 

A child behind them starts crying and Gabriel is thankful by the momentary distraction. He turns away, flushed face, covering his mouth after Jack accidentally stuck his fingers inside.

 

_Fuck._

 

It has been weeks since the incident and Jack keep surprising him with his naive attitude. He acted as if nothing happened; the whole crashing drunk on his place to tell him he just fucked a guy on a bar is something slips past him. And now he was too scared of drinking and ending up on Jack’s place again. Apparently his subconscious liked Jack enough to search for him even after having sex with another person.

 

Angela called that “attachment”.

 

And an obvious crush.

 

After a long conversation with his doctor, where he ended up explaining the whole situation to her, Angela suggested he sat down and reevaluated his relationship with Jack. He was, obviously, completely out of his league, which let him with two options: to learn to deal with his feelings on a healthy way, giving up completely on Jack and embracing his friendship; or keeping his distance from him.

 

The latter made his stomach churn.

 

“Are we watching a movie tomorrow?” Jack asks, pulling from Gabriel’s jacket “I liked last one, with the sniper father.” Jack settles a hand over his chest “The kind of representation I need.”

 

“I knew you would like that one.” Gabriel tries to shake off his hand on the sly, moving his hands a lot when he speaks, afraid of offending Jack “Can you believe it’s a real story? That shit happened, for real.”

 

Jack smiles softly “Don’t you mind watching those kind of movies?”

 

“Ah, because I was on the army?” Gabriel shrugs, “In my case, fiction helps me to cope. Because I know it’s not real I can deal with situations that usually trigger me while being on control.” Gabriel laughs, shakes his head. “Several months ago I would get so nervous by simple hearing loud noises but lately I’ve been doing it much better.”

 

Jack looks at Gabriel with a garbled expression on his face.

 

“I’m glad.”

 

Time passes by quickly while they speak, and the line gets shorter and shorter. By the time is their turn, the sky has gone dark and the lights on the park have started to turn on.

 

“Ha.” Jack steps inside as Gabriel follows him. “It’s cute.”

 

“I suggest you take a seat already.”

 

Just as Gabriel warns him, the wheel shudders to life and Jack drops himself in one of the small seats next to his companion. That coaxes a weird sound from Gabriel, who has to cover his head to avoid getting hit by an embarrassed Jack.

 

“Don’t laugh at me.” Jack complains, and he would totally buy his bothered tone if it wasn't because of the smile on his face. He proceeds to look through the window, pressing his hands against the glass as the wheel pulls them forward.

 

Gabe laughs “Well, we made it on time after all.”

 

The colorful lights across the park blink and spin, like a reflect of a starry sky; as they reach the top, the musical roar of the park dims, just as they just as the smell of popcorn and caramel. Jack gasps, rapt by the view, fingertips sliding down the crystal.

 

“This is why you insisted so badly, right?”

 

Gabriel side eyes his friend, taking in the calm expression on Jack’s face.

 

He has been doing well the last weeks, he has been doing everything right; he could even look at Jack in the eye after dreaming on kissing his lips, wrap a friendly arm around him despite jerking off thinking of him. He has been able to deal with his feelings without making the guy uncomfortable at all. It was a miracle, a real miracle.

 

But he was human.

 

“I don’t think we can hang out.”

 

“Eh?” Jack turns to him “We can do it other day.”

 

“No.” Gabriel keeps looking through the glass as he speaks “I mean, I think we shouldn’t spend so much time together.”

 

Silence, and then Jack laughs.

 

“What do you mean?” he asks, gaze lingering on Gabriel, the edged of his lips curving up “You make it sound like you don’t want to be my friend anymore.”

 

“Maybe I don’t.” Gabriel lies, shamelessly.

 

The bubble burst and they are pulled out from that warm atmosphere, back into reality.

 

As they are dragged down, away from the quiet place that was the pinnacle of the rotation, they get trapped again on a fog of noise and laughs coming from outside the small cabinet.

 

“You’re lying.” Jack concludes, the strength on his voice making Gabriel wince.

 

He looks away. “Why would I?”

 

“That’s what I would like to know.” A hand grabs his shoulder and Gabriel is forced to meet Jack’s eyes “Did I do something to you? Did I offend you?”

 

“No, it’s not—” Gabriel scrubs a hand over his face “Or maybe yes, maybe you did-”

 

“When? How?”

 

“Acting like if nothing happened.”

 

“You wanted me to act different?” Jack furrows his brow “You wanted me to treat you different? Just tell me what you want I’ll do what I can--”

 

“I want you to leave me alone.”

 

The door of the cabinet opens, one of the young workers inviting them to step outside with an artificial smile, completely ignoring the tension on the air or noticing Jack’s wounded expression.

 

Gabriel moves first and leaves as quick as possible, barely mumbling a low ‘sorry’ that Jack doesn’t manage to grasp. He doesn't listen to Jack calling his name over the music and cheers rumble across the park. He doesn't listen anything but his heart hammering on his ears.

 

That night Gabriel goes to bed early, skipping dinner, curling on the bed with his big old dog, waiting for sleep to come. Of course he has nightmares, and he would have them for days.

 

He thinks it’s a fair price to pay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Final chapter coming next week. Thanks for reading and the lovely comments!
> 
> Find me at  
> [twitter](https://www.twitter.com/possssum).


	4. Chapter 4

Monday starts with a funeral.

 

The whole church is mourning that morning, the chorus lacking one of its sweetest voices. The old woman, who had been struggling with cancer for too long, was the grandma of one of the singers of the chorus. 

 

Jack usually has around three or four funerals in the week, aside from visiting the sick and elderly in the hospital or their homes. He is constantly in contact with death, which he believes makes it easier for him to bring comfort. He understands every person has a different response to death; some of them are scared, or relieved; some of them move on quickly  while others grieve for so long it becomes pathologic. The latter requires other type to counseling though.

 

“It’s really sad.” Ana comments to Jack when they meet at the funeral. “Just last week Fareeha went to visit her friend and she said the old lady seemed just fine.” 

 

“She was very positive.” Jack points out, arms tangled over his chest. “That’s a gift.”

 

“It is.”

 

Jack sighs through his nose and closes his eyes, shoulders hunched. “How is Gabriel doing?”

 

Ana side-eyes him. “Why do you ask? You haven’t talked to him?”

 

“No, I—.” Jack bites his bottom lip. “We haven’t talked since the county fair.”

 

“You haven’t talked for  _ a month _ ?” Ana frowns and grabs Jack’s shoulder, pulling him away from the family to talk in private. “Did something happen? Did he do anything to you?”

 

“What? No, it’s nothing like that.” Jack assures, waving her off, “He just wanted some space I guess? I’ve been pestering him a lot. He probably just— got tired. That happens, I understand, really.”

 

Ana grimaces and lets him go, rubbing her own arm as she looks away.

 

“That explains his mood.”

 

Jack squints at her. “What do you mean? Is he okay?” 

 

Ana plays with the bracelet around her wrist, an obvious nervous tic. Jack can’t understand why that question would bother her. “I mean, his dog got sick and he has been a little worried about it.” She runs a weary hand over her face. “I’m gonna call him later to see how he’s doing and I’ll let you know, okay?”

 

“I would appreciate that.” Jack says, looking down at his feet. “I don’t want to bother him.”

 

Ana leaves after saying goodbye to the family, even when Fareeha insists on staying with her friend. She finds her daughter’s concern endearing but insists it is getting late and they must give the family time to grieve alone. Fareeha isn’t completely convinced, but she follows her mother to the car after giving her friend a tight hug. She waves goodbye to Jack , smiling despite the tears in her eyes.

 

“What a good friend.” Jack mumbles to himself, still wondering how is Gabriel doing.

 

* * *

 

It’s ten pm when Jack’s phone buzzes and he sees a message from Ana. He has to read it twice, since he first thought his eyes were fooling him.

 

_ >Gabriel’s dog passed away. _

 

He bolts straight up, re-reading the message a third time, and takes a sharp breath.

 

“Gabe…”

 

He looks through his contacts and finds the right number, no hesitation unlike the previous times he had thought of calling him. The phone rings several times before he is sent to the voicemail. Jack frowns, wonders if this meant Gabriel didn’t want to answer. He tries again and he gets the same result, no answer from the other side of the line.

 

A fleeting question strucks him: was Gabriel avoiding his call or was he unable to answer?

 

He vaults off of the bed to grab a jacket and step into his shoes before rushing to the door.

 

It takes him less than the usual 15 minutes to reach Gabriel’s place by foot, and he spends the whole  trying to reach him on the phone. When he arrives he rings the door, one, two, three times. “Gabriel?” he notices the lights are on and tries knocking on the door as well.

 

No answer.

 

He rests his back on the door, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Gabriel, please—” without a single idea of what to do, he calls Ana. She answers after a moment.

 

_ “Jack?” _

 

“Ana, when did you talk to Gabriel?”

 

_ “I called him around an hour ago but he didn’t want to talk.”  _ Ana clicks her tongue  _ “He practically hung the phone. I understand, he isn’t feeling well.” _

 

“He’s not answering the phone.” Jack mumbles, “And— I’m at his place and he won’t answer the door either.” 

 

Silence comes from the other side of the line and anxiety crawls under his skin. “Ana!”

 

_ “Did you try knocking louder?” _

 

“That’s what I’ve been doing!” Jack slams an open hand on the door in frustration. “Gabriel, are you there?! Please, open the door!”

 

_ “Jack, calm down. I’m sure he is alright, okay?” _

 

“How can you be sure?” He runs a hand over his face, clutches at his hair. “You spoke a whole hour ago and he has been alone this whole time!” Bile climbs up his throat, making his eyes sting as he is crippled by anxiety, he slams his hand one more time, digging in his fingers, nails scratching down the door’s surface. “You know that dog meant the world to him. He’s been grieving alone all this time! What if he—?!” 

 

His heart skips a beat at the sound of the door opening; Jack gasps, his quivering irises moving and finding Gabriel looking at him with puffy eyes.

 

“...what are you doing here?” 

 

Jack drops the phone before pushing the door open and throwing his arms around Gabriel, pulling him closer to him. Gabriel stumbles and falls back with Jack on top of him. “What the—?!

 

“You jerk!” Jack chokes, propping on the palms of his hands to shout in Gabriel’s face. “You scared me to death!”

 

Gabriel blinks slowly, taking in the image of a shaken Jack on the verge of tears.

 

“...sorry.”

 

* * *

 

Jack looks at his own reflection in the surface of the tea, sighing loudly before looking up again at Gabriel, who is playing with the little spoon in his cup. He’s wearing an oversized hoodie and loose sweatpants; hair tousled and beard untrimmed. He rubs his eyes and Jack notices the puffy bags below them, a glaring sign of lack of sleep. 

 

According to Gabriel, the reason he hadn’t answered was because he took several sleeping pills; his insomnia had worsened and he really needed to rest.  _ It’s been a long day. _

 

“I heard what happened.” Jack begins, looking down as he speaks. “Ana told me.”

 

“About Reaper?” Gabriel speaks without the slightest hint of grief in his voice. “Yeah, he passed this morning.” he sets the spoon aside and drinks a sip of tea, clearing his throat. “I’m picking up his ashes tomorrow, I just need to find where to bury them. I don’t want them here.”

 

Jack lifts his face, eyes sorrowful; “I’m so sorry, Gabriel.” he tries again, despite the lump in his throat. “And I’m sorry I wasn’t near.”

 

“Well, I was the one who told you I didn’t want to see you.” Gabriel sighs, tilting his head, half lidded eyes looking at Jack —and not through him— for the first time since he arrived. “Yet here you are.” he grimaces, anxiously bouncing his leg. “Why did you come?”

 

Jack isn’t sure if it’s the way Gabriel looks at him, but he feels self conscious, ashamed of his own reasons to be there. He answers, however, plainly but sure:

 

“I, ah, didn’t want to leave you alone.” 

 

Gabriel stares at him, lips parting ever so slightly, his legs stopping their frantic bounce. A smile pulls at the corner of his mouth as he looks at Jack from beneath long eyelashes. “I see.”

 

A crack finally appears on the mask Gabriel insisted on wearing.

 

He leaves the cup on the table and sinks back into the couch, looking up at the ceiling, taking a deep breath before starting. “I’m okay, really. These things happen, right? He was an old dog, a very old dumb dog I insisted on picking.” he sniffs, then chuckles. “I should have listened to Ana and picked a younger dog.”

 

Jack looks down, struggling with the question.

 

“Why did you pick Reaper then?”

 

“There were several others, younger and healthier.” Gabriel looks back at Jack, pauses, clears his throat. “And... then I saw this big, goofy dog all alone, making no effort to attract my attention because he’d probably been neglected in the past. I saw him and I knew no one would pick him.” he shrugs, slipping off the jacket’s hood to scratch his head “So I did. I picked the dog no one would pick because I didn’t want him to die there all alone, I wanted to give him a chance.” Gabriel sniffs and rubs his nose, “And, oh, he was the worst. It took him a while to learn basic commands, it was ridiculous,” he laughs, shakes his head as he recalls their first days together. “Everybody told me I made a bad choice, but I knew in my heart I made the right one.” he leans forwards, resting his elbows on his legs. “You know why? Because it wasn’t my family, or friends, or therapy that helped me get back on my feet.” his voice cracks, head hanging. “It was that dumb old dog. It was him alone. For a long time, the only reason I woke up every morning was to feed him, to clean him, to take him out for a wal—”  

 

Gabriel stops when Jack reaches his shoulder, his touch gentle; he lifts his gaze, meeting Jack’s deep blue eyes, clear as summer skies.

 

“I know.” 

 

Jack sits next to him, his hand traveling across his back, rubbing up and down before pulling him closer, encouraging Gabriel to rest his head on his shoulder. His fingers brush through his hair, a tender touch that allows Gabriel to mourn without exposing himself and allows Jack to comfort him without pushing too far.

 

“We can bury his ashes on the church grounds.” he offers after a while, “It was thanks to him that we met, right?” 

 

His words make Gabriel’s shoulders tremble, his whole body shuddering as he buries his face in that strong shoulder, a hand clenching Jack’s shirt.

 

“I—I’d like that.” He mumbles. 

 

Jack realizes that’s the first time he has held someone so intimately and that he likes it. 

 

They stay like that for a while, until Gabriel pulls away and Jack reluctantly lets him go. He turns around to clean his face and Jack struggles with the urge to hold him again in his arms.

 

He suggests Gabriel rests and, to Gabriel’s surprise, offers to stay with him, just to keep him company.

 

“You don’t need to stay, it’s not like I’m going to kill myself.” Gabriel jokes, making Jack frown. “Ah, bad joke, sorry.”

 

“I want to stay with you just because I feel like doing it.” he takes off his jacket and drapes it on the sofa. “You’ve already crashed at my place, why can’t I do the same?” he nudges him on the shoulder before heading to the bathroom. “Jerk.”

 

It doesn’t surprise him to find more pills in the cabinet of the bathroom, though the weird object with a phallic appearance throws him off. He quickly recovers and leaves the bathroom as fast as he can, finding Gabriel in the living room, with a blanket and a pillow.

 

“You use the bed, Jack, I’ll sleep here.”

 

Jack sighs, covering his face.

 

_ Sweet, sweet man.  _ “You’re the one that looks as if they haven’t sleep in a week!” Jack pinches one of Gabriel’s cheeks before snatching the pillow from his hands. “Now go to your room and get some sleep. I’ll be here if you need anything, okay?”

 

Gabriel snorts, scratching the back of his head as he shifts his weight from one foot to the other. “Alright…” he peeks up at Jack shyly. “Good night then.”

 

Again, struggling with the urge to pinch those cheeks, Jack sighs heavily before saying good night.

 

* * *

 

The alarm goes off at seven a.m., pulling Gabriel out of his slumber. He curses under his breath and stretches a hand out to turn it off and then turns over, pressing his face into the pillow.  _ Better _ . He cracks an eye open, catching sight of Jack’s sleeping face. He closes his eyes again, thinking he is still dreaming; just when Jack’s breathing caresses his face, he realizes he’s very much awake. 

 

Gabriel bolts straight up, the movement making Jack frown and clench his hands in his dreams. He doesn’t wake up though, rubbing his face against the pillow.

 

“ _ Ah _ .” Gabriel’s mouth open and closes like a fish out of the water. “Jack?”

 

He remembers Jack slept on the couch and he didn’t notice him getting into bed last night. When did he do it? Gabriel bends over to speak in his ear, gently tapping his shoulder, “Hey, Jack—”

 

Jack mumbles something, the peak of his tongue darting out to moisten his chapped lips.    
  


The gesture makes Gabriel’s face burn and his pulse race; Jack had nice lips, really,  _ really _ nice lips. That’s something he hadn’t noticed before and he immensely regrets noticing it in that very moment. He is too vulnerable, still shaken after last night; there is so much going on inside his head and he slept next to Jack, in a room filled with his flowers’ perfume. A very, very bad moment for him to notice just how nice lips Jack are and to remember just how much he liked him. He  _ still _ liked him.

 

And because he is confused, shaken, completely and utterly in love, he halves the already minimal distance between them, brushing his lips in a kiss so chaste it could be the flutter of a butterfly’s wings. 

 

When he pulls away, blue eyes are looking at him.

 

_ Oh. _

 

Gardenia worked in mysterious ways. 

 

* * *

 

The confessional is the safest place he knows, or that’s what Jack believes. If there is a place in the church where he feels the safest, that’s definitely here. It allowed him to interact with the worshippers while keeping a safe distance, surrounded by a comfortable, warm darkness.

 

However, right now he feels like he's hiding.

 

“I  _ am  _ hiding.” he tells himself, fingers interlaced over his lap. “That’s what I am doing.”

 

His phone hasn’t rung during the whole day, no texts either except for Ana asking if everything with Gabriel went okay —an answer he couldn't give in the meantime—. He gave the mass early in the morning and skipped most of the work in the office, still shaken after what happened at Gabriel’s place, not sure of how to feel.

 

He just wanted to make sure he was okay; he heard his voice, his mourning during the night after losing part of his heart and decided to rest with him; Jack got in his bed, cuddling next to his friend, wanting to make sure he would be alright. 

 

And Gabriel  _ —Gabe—  _ kissed him. 

 

He clutches his hair. “ _ God _ .”

 

The sound of the door opening and someone taking a seat on the other side startles him. That day he isn’t supposed to be in the confessional and there was no reason for any parishioner to be there. “Hello?”

 

“I’ve been looking for you the whole day.” 

 

If it wasn’t because he was sitting, he would have fallen with how weak his knees went. His eyes dart to the  latticed opening through which he tells apart the face he has been trying to avoid the whole day.

 

“Gabe—”

 

“Please, let me speak.”  Gabriel asks without looking at him, bowing his head. “I came to confess. You’re supposed to listen, right?”

 

Jack rests his back on the wooden wall, looking at the empty space as he goes quiet to listen to Gabriel’s confession just as he did with every other person that came in.

 

“I’m sorry.”

 

Jack squirms in his seat, looking at Gabriel through the window between them. “It’s alright.”

 

“No, it isn't. I didn’t want it to be like that.” he continues, “I— didn’t want to do this to you. I’m so sorry. I swear I tried to forget but—” he buries his face in his hands. “I couldn't— I’m sorry for doing this to you.”

 

_ No. _ Eyes stinging, Jack takes a sharp breath, releasing it as quietly as he could.  _ Don’t apologize— _

 

“The truth is, no matter how hard I tried I just couldn’t stop it. I tried to get away, to keep my distance from you but I couldn’t stop it. It just overflowed.”

 

_ Don’t say it. _ Jack begs mentally, biting his lips _. Please, don’t— _

 

“I didn’t want to give it a name, I was scared to do it but—”

 

“Don’t say it.” Jack cuts with a broken voice, loud enough for Gabriel to hear it.

 

But he says it anyway.

 

Jack shut his eyes, the weight of Gabriel’s confession making his teeth clatter. 

 

When he opens his eyes and looks through the latticed opening, he catches a glimpse of Gabriel’s eyes; he brushes his fingertips over the opening that keeps them apart, as if longing Jack’s presence.

 

“Thanks for listening to me.” he whispers, before finally leaving.

* * *

 

“Do you want to continue?” Angela asks, after her patient is done talking. 

 

Gabriel fidgets with the angel he’s grown attached to lately, tracing a finger over the fragile wings.

 

“I think I’m done for today.” he says, trying to smile. “I really don’t want to talk about this anymore.”  

 

Angela nods in agreement, pursing her lips and lacing her fingers over her lap. “Everything will work out, Gabriel.”

 

“I know.” he stand up from the divan, leaving the figure on Angela’s desk. “I think I just need time. I’ve been thinking about taking some vacations. Maybe even visiting my folks.” he shrugs “It’s been a while since I last saw them.”

 

“That would be great.” Angela speaks softly, “If you need anything, let me know.”

 

“Thanks, doc.” He holds out a hand for Angela to shake, which the doctor accepts. “I’ll let you know if I decide to take a trip so we don’t book another appointment.”

 

Gabriel leaves the doctor’s office around the afternoon and decides to take a walk. He already talked to Moira to postpone their appointment, suggesting he might take a break from rehabilitation in case he traveled out of the city. 

 

He has been avoiding Ana, not in the mood for the talk they would eventually have. Jesse has been extremely supportive, dropping by his place the last few days to see how he was doing. He still needs to tell Jesse his idea of taking a short vacation, which he suspects won’t make his friend happy. Jesse has always being the confrontational type and wouldn’t approve of his attitude.

 

But he really doesn’t want to be around.

 

Gabriel has been avoiding people, avoiding streets. Coming to an empty home only made things harder for him. The idea of taking a break looks refreshing, tempting. Why not? 

 

During the afternoon, he stops by his favorite coffee shop and orders pan dulce and a cup of coffee. The sweet smell makes his mouth water, warmth seeping down his stomach. It’s been several days since he passed by that place, afraid of bumping into Jack. Luckily for him, he still remembered his old routine before he knew about that church’s existence due to some random guy his dog knocked down. 

 

_ “Las penas con pan son menos.”  _ he reads the sign on the bakery’s wall and chuckles, before taking a bit of the bread himself to prove if it was true. “ _ All griefs with bread are less.” _

 

By the time he arrives home, the lights of the street have already come on. He shoves the last of the bread in his mouth as he reaches his door and pulls out the keys.

 

“You arrived.”

 

He nearly chokes when he hears a voice coming from behind, freezing in his spot. He swallows, blinks and looks over his shoulder, finding a familiar face.

 

“Jack?”

 

The man nods, coming out from the shadows where he has been waiting. “I want to talk, do you have a moment?”

 

Gabriel shakes his head, turning away again. “No.”

 

“I promise it won’t take too long.”

 

“I don’t want to see you, go away.” Gabriel tries to open the door with a shaky hand when Jack speaks again.

 

“I have an answer for your confession—” 

 

“I don’t want to hear it, just leave me alone!” Gabriel insists, finally opening the door and trying to shove the keys in his pocket.

 

“I might feel the same for you, Gabriel!”

 

The keys slip from his sweaty hands and fall to the floor, the sound echoing on the silent street. Gabriel turns around slowly to face Jack, eyes wide.

 

“ _ What _ ?”

 

“I might be in love with—.”

 

“Shhh!” Gabriel presses his hand against Jack’s mouth and looks around, his face burning red. “What is wrong with you? Don’t say that! Someone could hear you.”

 

Jack wraps his fingers around Gabriel’s hand, gently pulling it away from his mouth to speak again. “Then let me in.” he asks, pushing Gabriel and forcing himself in his home.

 

It's the click of the door as it closes that pulls Gabriel out of his daze.

 

“I—” Gabriel covers his mouth. “What did you say?”

 

Jack’s serious expression begins to crumble, eyes darting away as he speaks, red flushing his cheeks. “As I said… I might be in love with you. Or that’s what I think.” 

 

Gabriel drops on the couch, looking into empty space. He pales, looks down at his own hands, his shoulders shaking.

 

“I fucked up.”

 

Jack blinks in confusion, tilting his head. “What?” 

 

“I ruined your life.”

 

The blond sighs loudly, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Now, what are you talking about?”

 

“You—You weren’t supposed to feel the same,” Gabriel explains, a hand over his chest. “I’ve been— pestering you all this time and now you are confused.”

 

“Why are you assuming I’m confused?” he tries to sit next to Gabriel, but he squirms away from him, scared like a wild animal who refuses human contact. “Gabe…”

 

“Ana was right, I ruined your job,” he clutches his head. “I ruined your life.”

 

“Gabriel,” Jack admonishes, his voice calm but firm as he pats Gabriel’s face, trying to get his total attention. “Listen to me for a moment: do you think you are the first one who has come with that kind of confession?”

 

“No, of course not.” Gabriel begins, rubbing his palms on his pants. “But I’m the one who got closer. I took advantage of you and—”

 

“No. You got closer because I let you.” Jack crouches next to his friend, a hand settled on his knee, trying not to scare him away “You didn’t manipulate me at all. I’ve never let anyone get so close to me.” he bites his lips, remembering the time Gabriel came drunk to see him, talking about how he had sex with another man, and just how irrationally possessive he had felt that time. “Actually I should have seen this coming. ”

 

“What do you mean?”

 

“Didn’t I tell you?” a small smile comes to his lips. “I’ve always cared about people as a whole, but you were different. I’ve been thinking about you a lot, not only lately, but from the very beginning, when we met.” Jack scratches his nape, “The other day, when you came to the church, I was still confused and I couldn’t give you a proper answer, but I’ve been thinking a lot about this and I can tell what I feel is different from what I initially thought I felt for you.”

 

The conversation during Jesse’s birthday comes back to him; the balcony, the cigarette, Jack’s words.

 

“You’ve never been in love.”

 

“No.” Jack admits. “Not really.”

 

“How do you know this is real then?” Gabriel looks at the hand on his knee, not sure if to push it away or hold it. “Are you planning on ruining your career because of something you aren’t even sure about?” he grimaces. “Because I won’t allow it.”

 

“What are you going to do then?” Jack arches his eyebrows.

 

“I’m leaving. I’m not staying to ruining your life.” 

 

Jack scoffs, a smug expression on his face, and he looks more human than ever. “That won’t do.” he squeezes Gabriel’s knee, half-lidded eyes looking up at him. “Because I already presented my resignation letter.”

 

Gabriel gets up from the couch as if his touch burned his skin.

 

“You  _ what _ ?!” he holds his hands in the air, wanting to shake Jack, choke him, make him come to his senses  “Are you— Are you insane? Why would you that?”

 

“Because I can’t go back there and act as if you didn’t make me feel anything. That would be lying to myself and lying to the church. I shouldn't be able to feel this way for anyone but I do for you.” Jack explains calmly, “And even if you don’t reciprocate my feelings, I won’t go back to the church. Not as a pastor at least,” he takes Gabriel’s hand. “I… in a short period of time I’ll be free from this collar. It’s up to you to accept me then or not.” 

 

His touch burns yet Gabriel can’t bring himself to shake off Jack’s hand.

 

“You are… not sure… you are not even sure and you want to risk everything over some—” Gabriel insists, watching Jack bring his hand to his lips and press them against his knuckles, making his knees weak. “I can’t... believe this is happening.”

 

“To love someone and be loved back is a miracle.” Jack recites before pressing his lips to the back of his hand, a touch as gentle as the kiss he stole in the past. “I want to believe this is a miracle.” Jack pulls Gabriel closer, wrapping an arm around his waist. “I know you don’t believe in any of these but, don’t you believe in me?”

 

The answer comes as a kiss, gentler and yet more certain than the first one; it drives more than Gabriel could have expected. It feels surreal, the way Jack moves his lips, carefully, slowly as if kissing for the first time in his life. Gabriel laughs at the thought, parting his lips, leaving his tongue dart out to tease and coax the most human sound Jack has probably let out since they met. Gabriel thinks about clutching a hand in Jack’s hair when the man pulls away, breathless. 

 

Gabriel licks his lips and clears his throat, peering up at Jack. “Was— I allowed to kiss you already?” he wonders how long it has been since Jack gave a kiss with tongue.

 

“Honestly, I have no idea.” Jack babbles, heavy lidded, dizzy with delight. He fumes, as if just realizing they weren’t kissing anymore. He pecks on Gabriel’s lips one, two, three times until Gabriel groans, embarrassed, putting his hands on Jack’s chest, trying to push him away. “But the deed is done.”

 

“I guess.” Gabriel snickers and closes his eyes, resting his forehead on Jack's shoulder. His lips still tingle after the kiss. “Am I dreaming?”

 

Jack laughs, his hand resting on Gabriel’s lower back, keeping him close. He knows now how long Gabriel has been struggling with the nightmares, with the monsters in his dreams. 

 

“No, you are not.”

 

And despite the uncertain future, he is willing to stay to help him keep those monsters away.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you sooo much for reading.  
> And again, thanks to the lovely artists, creme and shade, who worked with me.
> 
> I might write a epilogue if people is interested of course :)


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